SKIN. － 3racha

i'll walk away into a way of being, be it, i meant to mean it

the shuffling of a couple crumpled won being stuffed into the savings jar, stowed in a corner of the kitchen counter, tiptoed through the air filled with loud chatter and spontaneous laughter.

jisung smiled.

chan and chang－ hyebin sounded like they were playfighting in the bedroom, probably arguing over whatever topic they'd settled on that night.

it was a bit frustrating, jisung had to admit, looking back on how he'd initially reacted to hyebin coming out to them as a woman, if not even disappointing. he had been confused, maybe a tad hurt at not having been told sooner, but he'd also put up a fight asking why hyebin felt the way she did and why she couldn't just continue living as she had been. it was grossly selfish to ask that of her, he knew that now and sensed it then, when a pain reflected in the glass windows of her leaking eyes, but he was worried; worried about harm coming to her, what people would say and how they'd react － how their growth as artists would be affected because the public might not support her.

in doing so, however, jisung couldn't believe he'd unknowingly become the speaker of the very things he feared, concentrating them and funnelling them directly onto hyebin.

he wished he had been more like chan.

"i'm happy you shared this with us," he'd said, understanding, warm like the crackling logs of a fireplace in early winter, "this won't change anything it doesn't need to. it's still us three against the world, today and always. no matter how you identify, we love you."

jisung remembered merely blinking dumbly at that, mouth agape.

"have you thought about going by a different name? if not, you can bounce any ideas you have off of me."

and for weeks he'd watch over them from outside the invisible bubble they'd created, listening in as chan would occassionally suggest a name and hyebin would try it out for a while, how he'd sometimes mess up hyebin's pronouns, apologise and get a gentle nudge from the shorter's elbow along with a mumble of it being okay.

jisung brashly came to realise that his stubborness was risking the safety of his bonds with the two people he loved most and the idea had him spend nights awake and extended moments of time aloof.

subsequently, he realised that hyebin was still the same person he always knew. even if her name and pronouns had changed, she was still the person he adored, with those same dark eyes that glittered and cute laugh that always made him smile. she still liked watching action films whilst sipping on alcohol and leaning against chan, she still took long showers and put any new song she loved on loop for days, until one of the two other flatmates groaned and whinged about needing her to play something else.

jisung had thought everything had changed, that nothing could ever be the same, but he was wrong.

after a little more than a month, he cracked. though prideful and typically hard-headed, he couldn't take not being a part of such an important chapter in hyebin's life.

it was late, dark and cold, the television rambling in the background with hyebin cuddled up into a dozing-off-chan's side and jisung sitting tensely on the opposite end of the couch.

"hyebin."

the young woman didn't turn to look to him, despite the abrupt shock of hearing her new name leave his chapped lips for the first time. they both remained still, staring unseeingly at the screen before them.

"i'm sorry," he paused, gathered enough courage to turn her way even if she seemingly refused to reciprocate. that was fine, he deserved it, "i'm sorry for everything. whatever i need to learn, i'll learn it. i want to understand － i need to. i love you no matter what, okay? i Iove you, hyebin."

roses bloomed in hyebin's chest and suns rose in her eyes as she looked to him with a tired smile.

"i love you too, sungie."