Unexpected

2. Kit, Seriously?

Forth.

Never thought that this boy would change my outlook on so many things. I look sideways at Beam. He is chewing on his pen studying for a class test. A class test for crying out loud.

"Focus on your assignment", he whispers, signalling towards my book with his mischievous eyes.

It's been one hell of a semester since we became friends and he has helped me in so many ways. We study together in library almost everyday. Despite being a medical student he is pretty good at maths and he has helped me in so many instances.

My grades have improved from C to B plus and he reckons if I try hard enough, I may even get an A on this assignment. My mum adores him saying how he singlehandedly saved me from myself. It's so annoying how they get along just to bully me.

I stick out my tongue to tease him which he replies with vigour. Amused by his antics, I shrug and turn the page, I should finish this assignment today.

I look at the clock, it's almost 7 pm. We should get going. There is a grin plastered on my face seeing Beam sleeping, mouth hanging slightly open, a little amount of drool at the corner of his mouth, laying his head on his outstretched arms.

I pull at his ear pods, wondering what song he is listening to. I was in for a shock, my sweet little innocent Beamie was listening to this song.

"I love it when we misbehave
They say that we got issues
But girl, that's why I'm with you
I love it when we mess things up
Every time we argue,
Straight into the bedroom
And we only break up,
just so we can make up
And I can hear you call my name
I love it when we misbehave"

Monsta X croons and I can feel my ears heat up. I take off the earpods and take deep breaths to calm myself down. The images of him sprawled on a bed, all messed up, calling my name suddenly conjures in my head and I need a minute to stampede my libido.

Damn it Beam! I look at his handsome face, unaware of how inviting he is looking at this very moment. I grind my teeth in agony at the confusing things this boy has made me feel.

He has been a very good friend, has tutored me in Maths, helped me improve my GPA, helped me calm my volatile temper by just being by my side. He has influenced me in so many levels that I can't believe it's just been a semester since we've met. We've gotten so close and I feel so possessive of him already. I know he sees me just as a friend by little by little, it feels like I've fallen for this man.

He is so handsome and kind. He is the nicest man I've ever known. The conversation between us flows so smooth and I don't have to force anything. He is strong in the sense that he has opinions regarding so many things yet he doesn't enforce them on others, he respects people's opinions yet he isn't swayed by others. I have never met anyone as level headed and logical than his man.
And yet there is a childlike wonder about him, a thin veneer of innocence that makes me want to protect him.

As if my hands had a brain of their own, in the lieu of my thoughts, they move to caress the hair falling into his eyes.

"Are you done?", he asks groggily, his eyes fluttering open.

It's always those eyes, those honey eyes that does it for me. I smile and nod.

"Finally! You dumbass," he gets up and proceeds to dump his notes on his bag, "Let's go home."

I don't exactly know when it happened but I think I've fallen for this man. Among all the countless study sessions, bike rides, lunches and dinner, the more I saw of him, the more I fell for him. I just don't know how to tell him yet. Or if I want to tell him or not. Because I don't want to lose this friendship that I've come to cherish.

-XOXOX-

I've been noticing him lost, his eyes glazed over, dreamy these couple of weeks. Even when he's with me, he seems agitated. And to my dismay, he seems to settle down when his gaze falls upon his two best friends, Phana and Kit.

Those guys don't really sit well with me, how handsy and friendly they are with my Beam. But I realized that Phana already has a boyfriend so I guess I should not complain. But then again it's not like I have a say in his life anyhow, we are just friends even though I want more.

It's almost my semester finals and I've been studying with Beam non stop since a couple of weeks, I really want to ace this exam, to make my parents proud of me and to show Beam that I am worth something too.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I woke up with a text from the group chat about the syllabus to be covered for this exam.

I don't see him on the chair opposite to mine where he sat when we started studying. My eyes scan the library but I don't see him. I get up and try to search for him. I search for him on the aisles for medicine section, he is not there.

"Where could he possibly have gone," I mutter to myself taking the books I'd taken out to place them in the selves in Engineering section. There is a little giggle in the corner of the bookshelves and some heavy breathing, I guess someone is getting frisky in the library. I can't seem to suppress my smirk at the thought. My stride comes to a halt to see Beam, staring intently at that same corner.

Naughty boy.

My mind comes up with a hundred different thoughts on how to tease regarding this perversion of his. My smile catches in my throat by the look of tears glazing in his eyes, tears that are almost spilling. The little kissing sounds and suppressed moans from the corner seem to fade out, replaced by a ringing in my ears.

Beam's eyes are epitomes of sadness, his fingers clenched into fists as he keeps looking at that corner, seemingly unable to look away.

I pull at him to another dark corner as the figures from the darkness emerge. It's his friend Kit and my junior Mingkwan.

"Are you sure you want to stay with me tonight", Ming asks as as he leads Kit by his hands,"I don't think I can hold myself back any longer."

Kit nods, his pale face is tinged with pink, his breath seems laboured and his eyes seem to want what Ming wants.

"Finally", Ming seems exuberant as both boys leave the library with hand on hand.

My eyes search for Beam who is shrowded in the darkness. "Beam", I call out his name and he looks startled.

His eyes are shimmering with unshed tears, threatening to spill from the seams. He looks up at me and it's like a sucker punch to the gut.

"I didn't think they were that serious", he says to me.

I seriously want to punch something right now. What does this mean!

"Do you, by any chance like Kit?" I ask but my own words sound foreign in my ears, it feels like those words don't belong together in a sentence.

"No, of course not. Why would I?" He replies while a lone tear slides down his cheeks, contradicting himself.

A bubble of anger bursts deep into my gut and I feel consumed by a darkness that I don't want to control. But my hands slide up to cup his face. He closes his eyes and tears spill down some more as he tries to lower his face, trying to hide from me.

"Fuck, that hurts", he gives a watery chuckle as his right hand comes up to his chest, just above his heart.

And all hell breaks loose.

My fingers cup his chin, forcing him to look upto me. "Look at me."

His eyes are like deep pools of magnetism that I want to dive into and never come up for air. His lashes are wet, there are streaks of tearlines down both his cheek and his expression is so full of vulnerability that I want to shatter down everything between us.

I don't even care anymore.
I hate this.
I hate this so fucking much.
Of all the people in the world.
With me right in front of him.
It's Kit.
Kit, Seriously?

-XOXOX-

I don't know why these things go longer than I normally anticipate.
And did you realize I love Monsta X and their English album. Hehe.
Thank you for reading.
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Love,
~R