ACID RAIN // DNF AU

Chapter Seventeen (George)

Shock and disbelief dripped from every crevice of his mind. Everything had turned upside down. Was this a dream or a nightmare?

He smoothed out the letter again, the now-tearstained paper resisting his movements. George looked up into his own eyes, finding them rimmed with red in the mirror above his hotel room's desk. His mind refused to wrap around the message on the innocent-looking sheet of paper.

Clay was in love with him—and resented him.

George felt the same, which was so fucked up, but just how it was. They had both been too closed off, too scared to say anything for too long. He had been hiding, but Clay had been backing him into a corner.

He read the ending again, markings on the page blurring before his eyes. Even if you loved me, it would have to end.

Was that true? Did they ruin anything they could have with all this pain?

He tried to recall the lyrics of the song Clay had written, wishing he'd paid better attention. The first thing he remembered were the lines that had been what had finally made him realize the song was for them, and he had memorized everything after that. "I won't be your friend / Oh honey, I adore you / It's all just pretend / Do you feel it too? / Come here, get closer, back away / Lie to my face."

The only time Clay had done anything wrong, now that he thought about it, was when he left him on the balcony so coldly. Even dumping him in the pool at the party was normal. Almost everything that had seemed callous at the moment was just sarcasm-laced honesty and affection. His brain hurt from the realization. Everything George had done was worse if what Clay had written was true. That didn't absolve Clay of blame, because what he'd apologized for was real and it had been happening, but it did make George feel more guilty.

He was sorry, too. They had damaged each other. But he wouldn't give up on Clay, the boy who was beautiful inside and out even with all the darkness between them.

The puzzle pieces snapped together in his mind, and he could finally see the whole picture. But was it already too late?

George was done pushing him away. He would face this head on. They needed to talk, and if he was honest, they could be okay. If he lied, it would just deepen the divide between them.

He picked up his phone, calling Clay. It rang and rang, going to voicemail. He texted, Pick up, then waited five excruciatingly long minutes before trying again. It still went to voicemail. Pick up or I'm coming over. We aren't doing this over texts.

The next time he called, Clay answered, his voice sounding hollow. "Hello?"

"Clay." He didn't know what to say. "Your letter..."

"I shouldn't have written that."

George blinked. "Wh- why?"

Clay laughed bitterly. "You don't think it was cruel?"

"I'm just as cruel as you," he blurted out. "I...I'm the same." There was dead silence on the line, but he looked back at the letter. I love you so much it's killing me. "I'm gonna come over."

"Don't." His voice was barely a whisper. "I can't see you."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," George insisted. "Okay?"

When there was no response, he hung up. It had stopped thundering, and the rain was dying down, leaving clouds behind. The drive was terrifying, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd get into a collision before he got the chance to tell Clay how he felt, that fate would intervene and cause his car to careen around the corner of the block on the slick roads, driving straight into a busy intersection. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he reached the house safely.