dropped your hand while dancing

-vi-

She liked him. She really, really did. At least, she liked what they did- she liked how he cleared her mind, she liked his small gasp and his warm body pressed against hers. She knew it was probably wrong, given that he'd been so invested in Betty- she knew he probably needed time to heal but it didn't stop them from meeting up in backstreets, didn't stop them from kissing in abandoned cars. Maybe she was a rebound, she thought. But she felt- wanted, needed- in a way she hadn't felt in a very long time. And happier.

James- she knew he was going through a hard time- but there were moments where she'd see the pain in his eyes as he kissed her.

She pulled away one night, sliding down the bed, and looked up into his glinting pale eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, nervously. She smiled a bit and squeezed his hand.

"Do you think about Betty often?" she asked. His eyes drifted about the room. "We- uh we actually didn't-" she could see him panicking and she quickly shut it off. "You don't- you don't have to answer James, it's okay." she said sincerely.

He needed her, in some messed up way, and for now, that was enough. But she couldn't get Betty's eyes out of her mind, her grin, her slightly crooked front tooth, her fierce glow. She shook her head and looked at James, who was playing with her long dark hair.

"Betty's- special." James said. She stared at him in surprise. "She's unbelievably kind, it was one of the reasons why, well why I liked her." He'd said liked softly, like he was treasuring a word he wouldn't be able to use. "She's been hurt," he went on, "But not the way we have. We've been hurt a lot, big blows that should have killed us. But we survived and we're still surviving them. Betty- Betty was never stabbed that way. Hers are more like paper cuts. They sting, but she walks them off. She kinda has to. She's a leader. I don't think- I don't think that I could do what she does. It's incredible to see." he was smiling more now, his cheeks hot. Augustine's heart sunk just a little, but she kept that small smile plastered to her face.

"Okay but, let's all agree Betty's curls are absolute perfection, I mean, they're so bouncy and shiny-," she said half laughing.

James snorted. They sat there in silence, their past laughter lingering in the room.

"Do you-" she began when he said, "Betty and I-" and she quickly clamped her mouth shut. But he eyed her, sadness behind it all. Years of sadness. She saw it when she looked in the mirror as well.

"Do I what?" he asked, his mouth quirked up. She rolled her eyes.

"I was gunna ask if you wanted to take off your clothes." She said, boldly.

He stared at her. "It's like noon." He stated blandly.

She snorted and turned away, grabbing her phone to reach level 107 in candy crush. She'd gotten addicted to it as a child, but every time she got a new phone, level 86 would destroy her.

She didn't notice James locking the door, until he stood in front of her.

"I did what you said," he said, a grin spread across his face.

She stood up then, and fell against him on the beanbag. She pressed herself against him, and they locked eyes for a second. He grunted softly, and looked at her, like he was studying her, like she was one of her sketches.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked slowly. She nodded, and he took her hand and pressed his lips against her skin. He moved his way up, reaching her neck and then her cheek and then her lips.

And they had a marvellous time, ruining everything.

"Kids, pizza's here" a voice said gruffly. And James sat up in astonishment, frozen. After a second, he apologised. "Sorry, I couldn't remember his voice for a second. We barely ever talk." He explained. She nodded, understanding, staring at his sweaty body.

"I guess we should go-" she said, and he nodded quickly, pulling a tee over his head.

They sat next to each other that afternoon, and their fingers were laced together the whole time. Augustine loved it. It felt special. It felt like their thing. His glitter covered nails and her short bitten ones.

They weren't meant to be, she knew that. She'd never even thought it. But this was precious.

As James was washing the dishes his phone buzzed. Arnie's name flashed across the screen. She wondered who it was. No one from their school, as far as she remembered.

"Hey James, someone called Arnie is calling you. Should I tell 'em you'll call them back?" she said loudly, so that he'd hear over the clatter.

He almost dropped a mug when he heard that. She could see him pale visibly, before putting the act back on. The face back on. The everything is okay face. The one that they had to have. To live.

"Uh no, I'll take it, thanks Tine." he said, quickly and grabbed his phone and walked outside.

She didn't hear about James' mother recovering, or his single tear of relief. She did however see his flushed smile when he walked back in and they lay together on the floor, listing random facts and kissing occasionally, everything else becoming hazy and rose tinted.

The world didn't matter as long as they were together, she thought as she swung her arm around his body and smiled. 

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hi-llo you sugar donuts,  how're ya'll

thanks for reading this ilyvm

do u wanna like, make an assumption about me (pls this sounds hilarious)

x, rajita

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