Augustine was dreaming of Betty again. Dreaming of her scarred hands, of her glittery brown eyes, of her flushed dark skin. She woke up silently, she'd learnt to hide in the shadows, but she wasn't too lucky this time around. The faint blue glow of Jame's phone across the room. It reflected on his eyes, making him look ethereal. Or like, really really blue. Annoyingly blue.
He looked up, blurry-eyed.
"Hey," he said, softly, gently every way James. She remembered them falling asleep together, definitely had no memory of him moving back to his beanbag. But she grinned slightly at him.
"James your sleep schedule really is fucked up," she murmured. He snorted, the screen shining on his eyes.
"Possibly. But I suspect I'm part vampire. Definitely have some interesting lineage. Nocturnal just runs in my soul." She rolled her eyes, tired and scared about her dreams, but she flung a pillow across the room and knocked Jame's glasses off.
"Oh cmon now that's not fair!" he wailed. "You know I can barely see anything," He continued whining.
"James," she mouthed the words slowly, her fingers clammy.
"Yes Tine?" she rolled over, unable to look at him.
"I think I like Betty, James. And you were the lie I didn't want to face." It was silence, probably silence too long but he spoke, perplexed and maybe agitated. She still stared at her phone though. She didn't want to look into his soft eyes and lie again.
"But you don't even know her!" he protested. She huffed. "Do I really know you?"
He snorted. "I know this is serious," he said, "but honestly that stung a bit. I know that you're scared of butterflies, you know."
"And if you let anyone know that, you truly will be doomed," she muttered with a broken laugh.
"Hey Augustine," he said, "It's okay. It's gonna be okay and I'm okay with being your lie. Hope I helped you find the truth or whatever y'know?"
She sniffed noticeably and walked the two steps to the beanbag where a more awake James now sat, sad smile on his face. She squeezed him hard. "Thank you, and I'm sorry."
It was his turn to look away now. She didn't understand why. He'd done nothing wrong. These things happened. You tend to have weird teenage sex with a boy and realise that maybe your intense obsessions with the girls in daggers meant something. She felt bad for him in a way.
He cleared his throat. "Tine-," he said, and then sighed, patted her shoulder awkwardly and for once, slept.
Augustine bit her lip. Either way, it'd be morning soon. She clicked on Betty's Instagram. Summer pictures at the smelly town pool, but she still made it look fun. Her with a basketball cake. Friends, food, shoes and a stuffed kangaroo. Then one from a while back, their smiles so wide, she looked so happy. So did he, she thought. He'd borrowed her sweatshirt, and she held his guitar awkwardly. She stared at his fingers, chipped nail paint, their couple bracelet and his guitar string scars. Faint, but still there. She'd never noticed them. She'd only really known James for the past few months, but Betty knew him. Inside out. Flaws and all. She wanted that. Maybe they didn't last, but all their life, they'd taken pictures to save them for these rainy days.
And well, it was them and then her. She wasn't a part of this, she wasn't a part of him either. She knew how it felt, but she'd never be what they were. Best friends. Whatever went down, Betty and James, forever and always. And she couldn't be better, no one let her in. When they did, she wrecked it, wrecked it and ran, leaving the pretty chandelier flickering.
She slipped out of the house early, summer air was still cold around the lake. Centennial cafe was shut, so she lay on the grass where she used to sit with James. It was damp, her flannel would probably smell real grassy now.
"Hey, Augustine! That you?" a familiar annoying voice rang. Inez. Something about their perfect smile and pretty parents who'd attend every school event jarred her. A year younger, she only knew about them because she'd seen them follow Betty around. Snap out of it, Tine.
"Hi, er Inez. You running?" she muttered, looking at their green shorts and customised tee. She didn't hate them, she supposed, but they were so happy it hurt.
"I was, but the cafe opens in a couple minutes and I well, scones, you know?" Augustine laughed. "Espresso," she said, nodding in agreement.
"So what brings you here? I'm assuming it isn't the broken museum about the history of the Lake."
"Gods no," Inez said, laughing. "I come up here to meet granny and my aunt during the last two weeks of summer." Augustine nodded, smiling. "She's going to pick me up from here in a bit, we're going to get ice cream."
Inez was nice enough to cover up for any awkwardness, and Augustine smiled a bit, but she was distracted. Definitely not enough expresso.
Then their granny walked in, one of the old women who'd be knitting and spying on Betty and James through their patterned sock holes. She waved at her.
"Oh hello, darling! How's that boy doing? Haven't seen you two around here in a while." Augustine swallowed painfully and put on a sweet smile.
"He's okay, probably sleeping in."
She huffed, and turned, two scones in hand. "I'll see you around darling."
But Inez stared. "Who? You have a baby?!" They asked.
Augustine laughed. "God no. She's talking about James."
"James? James Wood? Guitar dude, Betty's boyfriend?" they asked, confused. Augustine yawned.
"Ex-boyfriend." she corrected. But Inez just shook their head. "You're fucking James Wood?"
They stared. "I met Betty a couple days ago, before coming here- at the town pool. I'm like, very sure they're still together. Augustine, you prolly need to talk to James."
On their way out, they squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry, Augustine."
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hi hi hi hi hi, it's been more than two months I'm sorry ack. school's hard. i have exams in like 24 hours lmao, but I've been writing this for a rlly long time and yea
my writing schedule is going to be pretty uneven this yr, so idk how many people will stick around and you know? it's fine lmao
im kinda prioritizing now and getting enough sleep is currently very important. i kid u not im dead by 11pm O.O
lemme know what u thought, ilysm
x, rajita
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dropped your hand while dancing
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