Loving you

62

Onika pov:

"when" she asked lowly looking down. "Today" I mumbled and she looked up at me then back down. I knew the routine, I have to break up with her now. God knows I don't want to but if I go away forever I don't want her to feel like she has to stay worrying about me. I want her to live her life and be happy, even if that means i'm not. I set dagga on the bed and looking at bey trying to ignore the heavy weight on my chest.

"bey" I said lowly and she looked up at me. "You know I might be going away for life right ?" I asked. She nodded slowly and I sighed "I don't want you waste your time on me". She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion then shook her head. "No, no please" she said with her eyes starting to water. Knowing i'm the reason for the tears forming in her eyes made me wanna break down myself. "Bey listen please" I said then swallowed the lump in my throat. "are you breaking up with me ?" she whispered. The look of hurt on her face hurt me more then she will ever know, but it's the right thing to do.

"yes" I said lowly. She pulled back about to leave but I grabbed her "No bey please" I said pulling her back to me. "w-we don't have to breakup" she said now crying "yes we do" I whispered lowly. "p-p-please n-nika I d-don't wanna" she sobbed out and I bit down on my lip trying to keep my tears in. I felt like my heart was getting stomped on over and over again. I hate this. Bey is sobbing and begging me not to breakup with her but it's what's best. "Bey please calm down" I said with my voice slightly cracking. "I-I-I c-can't" she cried out hiccuping, she was getting so worked up her face was starting to turn red.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders pulling her closer to me closing all the space in between us and placed my head on hers. "listen" I said wiping her tears but more continued to pour from her eyes. "I love you beyonce" I said now crying myself "That's why I want you to move on" I said and she shook her head. "I d-don't want t-to nika I n-need you" she cried out "I need you too bey" I said starting to cry harder. Doing this hurt almost as bad as losing my mom. "But i made a lot of mistakes.., and I gotta suffer the consequences but you don't"  I said "Move on, have fun enjoy your life" I finished. "A-And what about y-you" she asked "Don't worry about me".

She didn't respond she just stuffed her face into my neck sobbing loudly. I felt her wrap her arms around my waist and squeeze me tightly. I rubbed her back trying to keep myself together but it didn't work, a broken sob flew out my mouth and I quickly put my hand over it to muffle my cries. The person i'm deeply love with, the person I would die for in a heartbeat is in my arms heartbroken... and it's my fault. I can't change the past and now it's affecting my future and present life. But the worst part is it's hurting the person I promised I would never hurt.  

I felt bey pull back and she wiped her eyes then looked at me. she gently wiped my tears away then grabbed my hand. "Can you promise something" she asked "Yes" I said looking into her eyes seeing nothing but pain. "I-If you get out or you don't go, promise you'll come back to me" she said. "Of course baby" I said lowly "No you have to promise me nika" she with tears slowly forming again. "I promise bey" I said and she nodded. A stray tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away sniffing then looked at me with her lip quivering "i need a hug" she said lowly reaching for me. 

I brought her into my arms hugging her tightly while she cried into my shirt. We stood like that for a while then I pulled back "stop crying, you're gonna make yourself sick" I said wiping her eyes. Truthly I wanted to curl into a ball and cry until I passed out. Seems like life finally caught up with me. "You're crying too" she mumbled then wiped the tears off my face. I didn't even know I was crying. "Will you call me" she asked grabbing my hand starting to play with my fingers. "Yes i'll call and write you letters, will you write back ?" I asked "of course i'll write back" she said lowly still looking down at my fingers.