I'll Follow You Down (Bucky x Reader)

Second Life

I mourned. I mourned for a long time. I mourned with Steve. I mourned with the others. I mourned by myself. Nothing could bring me comfort. They say that the world is bleak without your loved ones – but mine literally was.
Twenty-three days went by until a new character entered our lives; Captain Marvel. There was a small chance we could take the stones from Thanos and bring everyone back, now that we knew where he was hiding. We were all hesitant to have any hope, but as Natasha had said, if there was even the slightest chance, we could bring everyone back, we had to do it.

I sat strapped into the seat of the ship as Captain Marvel states she’s going to do recon. Steve looks at his pocket watch as he always does when he’s deep in thought.
“This is gonna work Steve.” Natasha says.
“I know it will.” He responds. He looks at her, “Cause I don’t wanna know if it doesn’t.” I mentally second that notion.
Captain Marvel returns and states that the world is clear except for Thanos, so we make our way down.

The attack against him is done and it appears to be successful. Then Rocket looks at the glove and simply says “Oh no”. We all look down to see that the stones are gone.
“Where are they?” Steve demands.
“Answer the question” Captain Marvel adds.
“The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose beyond temptation.” Thanos begins to say.
“You murdered trillions!” Banner yells as he lunges at Thanos.
“You should be grateful!” Thanos yells back, hitting Banner back.
“Where are the stones?” Natasha finally asks when the two stop their mini brawl
“Gone. Reduced to atoms.” Thanos tells her. I can see the tears beginning to burn in her eyes.
“You used them two days ago!” Banner retorts.
“I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be. I am inevitable.”
We all stand in stunned silence. My brain blocks out everything, all I can hear is my own heartbeat. More is said, more is done. Thor ends up killing Thanos with no resistance. But it doesn’t matter. There’s no satisfaction in it. Everyone is gone and our only hope is gone too.
____________
For 6 months, I am totally shut down. I move into the Avengers complex to be close to Steve, but I barely leave the building. I barely speak. I don’t do much of what they call living. Six months to the day, I finally sit down with Steve and tell him about Bucky. I tell him that he was soulmate, that I saw colors, and how now everything was gone. I was right, he had already figured it out prior to this.
He consoles me as best as he can. He has a mild understanding. Peggy was his soulmate and he had lived without her for so many years before all this happened. I had always had a feeling that was the case, but hearing it now, it gave a weird sense of sorrow but also comfort that he knew exactly what I was feeling.
_____
Another six months goes by and I try to get back to some sort of life. I help Natasha here and there with her position running the cleanup duty. It’s not easy for me most days, but I do what I can. Tony visits often and he becomes like a father figure to me; him having his own daughter definitely helped. We never speak about what he said to me the day of the accords, one of the last days we spoke to each other. But I know he's sorry. He shows me he is every day. He shows me just how important I am to those around me, and that I am a part of this team; this family.

I begin to go out of the building to visit him and Pepper and their daughter. I find ways to use my smarts as best I can, while barely touching my powers. I already felt a coldness to the world, I didn't need any more.
______
After another year, I realize I’ve developed some kind of feelings for Steve, after spending all this alone time together. I mean, I guess what did I expect? With everything we had been through and survive together and to understand each other's pain, it seemed obvious after the fact. He's still my best friend, and I don't want things to feel complicated. I finally tell him, and he tells me he has felt the same. We both acknowledge that we have our respective soulmates. But we also acknowledge that we are all we have now. There is no way to fix things. So why not try to move forward with life with what little happiness we can?

After a while, I notice the smallest bit of color come back to my vision. Specifically, the color blue comes back, even if very muted. Bucky’s eyes were blue. So are Steve’s. I don’t know if the universe is just mocking me, or if it’s trying to tell me Steve could be my new soulmate in this world. Either way, it feels like a cruel joke.
______
Steve had been going to therapy for years and kept it up even more so now doing this group therapy. Every week he would invite me to come along. But I couldn’t ever bring yourself to go. To talk about moving on with life and hear the sadness from others.
One night after therapy Steve came back to the complex and met me in the living room, sitting on the couch with me against the window as I looked out onto the city. He walked over and gave me a kiss on top of my head, and I turned to him, giving him a small smile. He sat next to me where my feet where drawn up and let out a big sigh.
“You know I was thinking…” He began. I rolled my eyes, ready for one of his big speeches to try and rouse inspiration. “Here me out though” he interrupts my reaction.
He tells me everything that happened in therapy. And he tells me his whole speech that he had, hoping it would help me as well. I stare at him with love; just love for him as a person. Someone who is trying to lead this rally, this world, to keep moving forward. He’s had to do it before, and no one said it was easy, but it’s worth trying.
“What?” He finally snaps me out of my thought reel.
“Thank you.” I say as I lean forward, untuck my feet from the couch, and lean towards him to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. He puts his hand to my face as I pull away and holds me there, then presses his lips to mine. Safety. Comfort. Empathy. I feel all of this with him. Words cannot describe how thankful I am that I still had him in my life.
We kiss for a while, just feeling something real in this life. Eventually I lay my head on his lap and allow myself to relax a bit, closing my eyes.

I feel him gently slip away from me after a while and he lays my head on the couch, putting the blanket hanging on the back of the couch over me. As he walks away, I watch him walk towards the connected room where Natasha sits at her desk.
“You know, I’d offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already.” He jokes, motioning towards the sandwich she has barely touched. I smile a little. He’s so good to everyone.
“What you need me to do your laundry?” Natasha jabs back. “To see a friend.” Steve assures.
“Clearly your friend is fine.” Natasha says. They joke back and forth for a while till Steve sits down opposite Nat’s desk.
“You know, I keep telling everyone that they should move on and grow. Some do. But not us.” Steve says.
Natasha and him talk back and forth about how Natasha needs to do this job. They have all had to find where they were needed in this life to try and continue.
“This job.” She pauses and looks at Steve, then I can feel her eyes move around him to look at me. She smiles a little, “This family. And I was better because of it.” She takes a deep shaky breath and continues. “And even though they’re gone, I’m still trying to be better.” I don’t realize it, but tears begin falling from my face. Her words hit me in a way I didn’t realize.
“I think we both need to get a life.” Steve says, his arms crossed across his chest.
“You first.” Natasha jokes back. Steve smiles and turns around in the chair to look at me. I’ve closed my eyes again to try to hide the tears that have fallen onto my face. God did I miss the rest of my family. As I slowly got up from the couch, I hear a chime and there is someone yelling on the screen.  I quickly drop the blanket onto the couch, and Steve and Natasha stand up as they realize who that someone is.

They quickly get Scott into the building and fill him in on everything that has happened. Then Scott begins to hatch this plan; it’s a lot of science that we don’t really understand, but he sounds so sure of himself. He sounds so sure that this can work. Do I dare get hopeful again? The last time it tortured me. Can I do this again? I don’t have time to decide before we make our way to Tony’s place, he’s the only one that can understand this kind of level of science.

The meeting doesn’t go well. Natasha, Scott and Steve all try to convince him to help us. But he just won’t have it.
“Tony, this is our shot at a second chance.” Steve pleads. Tony stops in front of him, his daughter in his arms. He sighs sadly and looks at Steve and me. He responds, “I’m sorry, I really am. But I got my second chance right here, and I can’t risk rolling any dice to lose that.” With that, he leaves us, telling us we can stay for lunch only if we drop the subject. We head to leave, and Steve says he has one other idea of who might be able to understand this.