My Second Chance

My Life

    Wensday , February 25th, 6:23, 2015 Dear diary

      My life will never be the same no matter what I do or try it will never change me. I figured out one of the worst things today I will never forget, and that diary is where you come in, it has been a long time since I have wrote in you, but today changed me and I know it is time to start writing in you today, and for the rest of my life. I know you are probably wondering what my life change is but I am not ready to discuss it with you yet.

      I am going to write my special feelings in you, I am going to try to make you tell my life, the story of me, and most of all tell my life and how everything went. I am going to write everything my plans my medication my bucket list maybe even the clothes I wear everyday because before I die I want everybody to know that the thing that is killing me is not going to change me it will only make me stronger and try harder for what I want to acheive, and I will not let it bring me down, I want everybody to know before I die, I was okay and how I survived it so the next person who has what I have might have a chance of standing up to yourself and fighting for yourself, and that is exactly what I am going to do.

       With all my heart love Casey.

        I was on my way to church on a beautiful Sunday morning. I am very Christian I love Jesus and I love crosses I wear cross necklace all the time. Well everything changed that day when I walked in the church. I walked in and grabbed my neck as I tried to get air through my air tube.

      I couldn't breath nothing was coming in and nothing was coming out of my mouth. I couldn't breath I have never went through this before. I sat there, I was in pain I was trying really hard just to get one slip of air through my air tube, but my lungs prevented it. I dont know why, why it had to happen to me. 

      It was hard having all those people thinking you are dying. except that was the truth I was dying, and no one could prevent it, it was happening  to me. It herts knowing everyday that peoples worst nightmares are happening to me, dying slowly. Everybody thinks death is painful, but sometimes its not somethimes you just wish that you could drift away in that hospital bed. Right know was the time I wanted to drift off the place I was loved, gods home. 

      I saw my dad, he was rushing across the room shoving people out the way trying to get to me, his baby girl. He would never make it without me so everytime this happens to me he is the superhero always saving me from myself. You never knew yourself could be your worst nightmare, but sometimes thats the truth. My dad picked me up told me to breath as  he was running to the car to drive me to the hospital. Except for the police and ambulance got there before he got in the car. He handed me to the people in the ambulance as they were giving me air. 

   I want to know why this happened to me, I have always been one of those good kids. I will always be one of those special kids that have to have to have treatments, and friends and support. I love being me, but at the same time I dont want to be me, I want to be normal with a healthy body like everybody else, and have that as my nightmare instead of living it. You never know how bad a fear is untill you have to live it.

    I finally woke up in one of the hospital beds like usual. My life never changes it is always the same, the hospital thats pretty much were I live my life in a hospital with treatments. Thats what I call life, I knew I had just got out of something cause I was sore. I knew it was time to write more feelings in my diary, so I picked up my pen, and journal and opened to the next page and thats were it all starts.