anxiety - dream smp

508 10 2
                                    

{not a request}

WARNING: swearing, screaming
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With covid, school didn't exactly become easier. We lived with all the smp members in a house, which meant that Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and I still had school. Tubbo dropped out a couple of weeks later, but Ranboo, Tommy and I didn't. Tommy and Ranboo were doing great, but I wasn't.

My grades were dropping really fast, because I simply didn't have any concentration. My ADHD medication stopped working and I told Phil and Dream multiple times I needed new ones but they always let it slide. Dream and Phil kind of took the dad roles. Even though Dream was younger then some of us, like Will and George, he was more mature. So when they noticed that I wasn't doing well, well, things went downhill.

"Y/n, we need to talk to you" Phil says and I look up. Dream and Phil stood in front of me, looking sternly at me. "What's it about" I ask as I lay my phone down. "Your grades" Dream says and I nod. "Alright" I say. "You're not doing so good are you" Phil says and I raise my eyebrows a bit, since he normally isn't like this.

"Well no, but-" "How come? Tommy and Ranboo are doing well" he adds. "Don't compare me to them" I say. "Listen-" "What do you mean don't compare you to them, they're in the same situation as you" he cuts me off again. "They're not, I-" "Yes they are. They have online classes, just like you, so why aren't their grades dropping like yours?"

"Because-" "They're actually doing stuff? Do you even pay attention to class?" "Yes but-" "Then why are your grades so low?" "IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME TALK" I yell and he looks a bit taken back by my outburst. "Don't talk to him like that, he's worried, so am I" Dream says.

"Don't talk to him like that? Don't talk to me like that, you're not my parents. Yes you've taken the parent role in this household but that gives you no right to talk to me like that" I say. "But can you explain why you're not doing so good?" "Because my anxiety and ADHD are through the fucking roof!"

"That doesn't make sense." "LET ME TALK GOD DAMN IT!" "STOP YELLING!" "NO! STOP BLAMING SOMETHING ON ME THAT I CAN NOT CONTROL!" "Wow, wow, wow, what's going on" Karl asks as he walks in with Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Will, Quackity, Sapnap and George. "Y/n is failing school and is blaming it on her anxiety and ADHD" Phil says.

"That's not fucking fair, you have no idea how it is" I snap. "I have to side with y/n on this one" Tommy says. "No, you're doing alright in school, so does Ranboo, then why not her?" "As I said! My anxiety and ADHD-" "Stop blaming it on that." "STOP CUTTING ME OFF PHIL" I yell as tears slowly form in my eyes.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE HAVING YOUR NAME CALLED OUT IN FRONT OF 70 OTHER PEOPLE AND HAVING TO REPLY NORMALLY! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR ADHD MEDICATION STOPS WORKING AND YOU ONLY GET DISTRACTED BY EVERY FUCKING SOUND IN THE ROOM! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S FUCKING LIKE!"

"THEN EXPLAIN IT" he yells back and the tears start to fall. "It feels like I can't breathe" I begin but he cuts me off again. "That's-" "SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP AND LET ME FUCKING TALK! YOU WANT ME TO EXPLAIN IT RIGHT! THEN LET ME AT LEAST DO MY STORY" I yell and he takes a step back.

"I sit behind my laptop every day with shaking hands, because that shit is scary. We don't have the small classes like everyone else. No, I have 70 other fucking people in the same call. I check constantly if my camera isn't on, or if my microphone isn't on. Whenever I have to answer a question, just instant panic. The voices in my head gets louder every fucking second of those stupid classes" I say as I angrily wipe my tears away.

"I can't concentrate because my ADHD medication have stopped working. I asked both of you multiple times if you could get me new ones but nooo, that wasn't necessary. You're not the one who takes these medication so it's not up to you if I need new ones or not. You don't know how I feel! And don't say, then you should've gotten it yourself, because I don't have the time" I say and I see the guilt on Dream his face.

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