Paint Me Saved ✓ Book 1

23. Dive and swim, soar and fly

Zemira

It wasn't physical.

It was celestial.

Intangible and comforting.

Such was Tag's presence, a sensation of him being nearby and watching over me.

I blinked constantly to confirm if it was a dream. As I watched things through a smokescreen, the truth settled in.

"Are you thinking if I'm real?" The voice resembling Tag's asked.

With words scantily available for an experience I've never had before, I could only blink and nod at what felt like Tag's silhouette.

"Mira, just because you can't see me doesn't mean it's not real. I'm as real as you want me to be..."

I moved from the bed at a snail's pace. Part of me was scared that if I moved too fast or tried hard to focus on what I felt, his presence would disappear. I managed to crawl to the nearest chair, still hearing him. Still feeling his warmth swaddle me.

"Why are you here?" Walling my knees over my chest, I asked. My gut tangled into a knot, sinking deeper within. The hurt from his voice, his presence, festered.

"I'm here because of you." With his words, I slid my feet off the chair, letting it dangle. "I told you, I'll always look out for you. So here I am..."

Unlike all other times, I wasn't filled with tears but an ache so deep, it hurt my insides when I tried breathing. The silhouette appeared closer, warmer. It seemed to mirror my emotions - heartbroken.

"Why did you leave me, Tag?" I somehow managed to ask between bursts of gasps, keeping me alive, afloat. I tried rubbing off the heaviness from the rock placed over my chest, deepening its roots. It didn't help.

"I didn't leave you, Mira. I'm still with you. And I'll be there with you, always." The whispery air narrated what I wanted to hear. Always.

It was then, that the reality of Tag's absence hit me hard. With tears welling up, I leaned closer to the silhouette, looking for a semblance of him. 

My eyes couldn't see what my heart could feel. My body couldn't touch what my soul caressed.

"You left me alone. You promised you would return, Tag. But you didn't. You lied." 

Tag's voice didn't answer. He seemed to only smile at me with the same love and kindness I always saw in him.

"Mira, I didn't lie. As I said, I'm watching over you and I came when you needed me. I came when I knew, you were taking the wrong step."

"What wrong steps?" I asked, ready to fight the voice.

Grief had a strange way of making an appearance. Boiling rage replaced the melancholy surrounding me, melting down the dam of emotions. I wanted to toss things at him even though I knew it wouldn't harm him in any way.

The memory of his casket lowering into the ground, of his friends and family bidding him farewell, dredged up to sour my mouth. Reliving the day, I fell victim to a state of numbness that cemented me in place. Since I couldn't confront the man himself, his metaphysical state served as a medium.

Maybe I was driven mad. Or maybe, I was already dead to feel him again.

"You're holding yourself back, Mira." His voice was soft, emerging from the back of my head and braiding its arms around me, comforting me to embrace the reality of his statements. "You are caging your heart."