sunshine | a selection story

alternate ending

i will look for you

in every lifetime, until

we finally stay

- butterflies rising

🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻

Sunshine,

When you told me that you were falling in love with me back in Allens, I didn't make you any promises. A part of me knew that we would get hurt that way, but it was the only option I could see to ease the pain.

Rowan, I've chosen Delphine. I've fallen in love with her and she makes me happy.

I'm sorry I couldn't make you any promises. I know that me choosing someone else hurts you and I never wanted that for you.

I'd like to meet you tonight in the gardens and talk. If you don't want to meet me, I understand. I won't take any offense if you don't come. But I would really like it if you came.

You're my friend, Ro. Always and forever.

Beau

🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻

OCTOBER 24TH

7:12 PM

I couldn't hide.

There was no hiding from this. There was no way to avoid it. There would be pain either way.

Beau was waiting underneath the tree where we had our first picnic together. He was completely still, his eyes on something in the distance. I paused my walking and watched him for a moment.

I couldn't hide. Not from Beau.

Beau turned to face me at the sound of my footsteps. I knew that he immediately noticed my puffy eyes and wobbly smile. I stepped towards him, biting my lip. He opened his arms to me and I stepped into them.

I closed my eyes and tried to keep myself calm. I want Beau to be happy. Even if he's not with me. Even if that means I have to let him go.

"I'm sorry, Rowan." Beau whispered softly in my ear, "I never wanted to hurt you."

I sucked in a deep and shaky breath. I needed a few moments to compose myself. Beau already would be carrying enough guilt. I didn't need to add to it with a wobbling voice and tears in my eyes.

Relishing the feeling of his arms around me, I pulled away from him. Wrapping my arms around myself, I looked up at him, "We never made any promises, Beau. This was to be expected."

He held my gaze, "But that doesn't make it better."

I shrugged, "This life is full of things that aren't fun, Beau. I don't regret falling in love with you."

"Rowan."

I hugged my yellow sweatshirt closer and closed my eyes, "Aelin says that this life is only one version of us. In the other versions, we make different decisions and feel different things. I'm just holding onto that right now, Beau."

His hands cupped my elbows, steadying me like he always did, "Why are you holding onto that, sunshine?"

I opened my eyes, "Because I think in at least one version of our story, we end up together. And that's enough."

His smile was soft and so achingly tender, "I love you, Rowan."

My heart clenched and I forced myself to whisper the words, "I love you too."

Then I reached into my back pocket and handed him the note I had written him before I came here. He took it from me and I turned away from him.

Hugo was waiting for me just a few yards away, his eyes watching lovingly as I walked away from him. I held his gaze, my heart aching with every step I took away from Beau.

This was the best thing. I couldn't hide from it. Beau would be happy and loved with Delphine. She was such an incredible person and she deserved to be loved by someone like Beau.

I was happy for them.

Hugo wrapped an arm around my shoulders and we walked back to my room. With his arm around me, it stopped me from looking back. From seeing Beau one more time.

But it was for the best. Beau and Delphine would be happy together. And I was happy for them.

Or I would be. Someday.

🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻 🖤 🌻

Beau,

I hope that someday, when we think of each other and this time, we don't think of it with guilt and sorrow. I hope that instead we think of our late night on the balcony eating pineapple cake and arguing about what type of cookie was better.

I hope that we think of that first time we meet, of how new and strange it all was to both of us.

I hope we think of the cornhole game and how terrible of a partner I was.

I hope we think of our dance in the garden under the fairy lights, when you didn't let me hide.

I hope we think of our late night text messages and all of the hundreds of little moments in between all of our big moments.

I don't ever want to look back on this time and regret it. You have taught me so much about myself, the world and about love, Beaumont. I am so proud of you and all that you will do. You will make a great king someday and Delphine will make an amazing Queen at your side.

Meeting you today will not be easy for me. But I'm going to come. Because I love you. Because we're friends. Because of the promises we did make.

You are quite the extraordinary person, Beau. I will always treasure our friendship and my time in the Selection. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Even with the ending we have.

I'm going back to Allens early tomorrow morning. Hugo, my guard, offered to take me and I'm going to spend tonight at his house. His wife is a good friend and I want to be with them some before I head back to Allens.

Text me, Beau. Please be my friend when I go back to Allens. I may not be your One but losing you completely is too much. Don't forget about me, Beau. I'll always be your friend. You can't get away from me.

Always and forever, Beau.

Rowan