The Reality of it All (Completed)

The Night of Revelation

I stared at the ceiling of the clinic I desperately didn't want to be at.  The endless white walls, translucent lights, and squeaking medical carts were nauseating. I had been to the doctor's office countless times before, but today it brought a whole new world of anxiety  onto me.

 It had been about 22 hours since I took those pregnancy tests and I was ready to get this over with. I took a total of 5 of them. Three in the morning and the last two later in the day. The results put me in such a shock, I couldn't function normally for the whole day. Paige rushed me to the clinic after witnessing my third panic attack and frankly, if she hadn't brought me here, I probably would've been in fetal position on the floor.

The smell of cleaning chemicals clung to the air, making my head spin in a frenzy. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to concentrate.

"Just breathe, Spence," she whispered, giving my hand a squeeze.

I inhaled and exhaled as deeply as a could, attempting to drop my shoulders to release tension.

Paige is my one and only best friend that I've lived with since college. To say we've seen each other grow would be an understatement. After stabilizing our income, we were able to get our own apartment and say goodbye to communal bathrooms, arguments about room temperature, and all too memorable sloppy roommate hookups. I'm slowly working my way up as a marketing research analyst and money has been pretty good for an assistant. However, working for myself would be such a better option. 

"Spencer Shapel?" The doctor called from the door. I slowly rose as the sound of my name. wringing my hands. Paige stood up beside me.

I was trying to convince myself to walk, but my feet were planted so hard on the ground, you'd think I'd melted into the tile. Picking up on this, Paige guided me towards the door where my doom awaited. We followed the doctor down the hall into a tiny room.

The average bed with paper over it sat in the middle of the room, with two silver metal chairs placed to the right of it.

The doctor took her position at the computer desk and turned to gesture us towards the seats.

"Please..." she said with a small smile.

I reluctantly sat down and started playing with my hands.

Please don't let me be pregnant.

"So, you're here for a pregnancy test?" The woman asked. I nodded and swallowed hard. She walked over to her desk and handed me a little plastic cup.

"Down the hall is a bathroom, you're going to have to give us a urine sample," she explained. I nodded and took the cup with shaky hands. I gave a quick glance to Paige and walked out of the room, down the hall.

If this test comes back positive, I don't know what I will do.

•. •. •. •.

After I peed in the cup, I said a small prayer over it and handed it to the doctor. She took it and told us it would only take a few minutes for the results to come back. I watched her dip the pregnancy test in my urine and calmly sit it out on the counter to wait for the results. Now I'm just sitting here gnawing at my nails, praying the last five tests were somehow inaccurate. 

If I am pregnant, I wouldn't want to abort the baby. I don't believe in abortions. On the other hand, I don't really know if I can keep it either. I can't take care of a child right now!

Suddenly, my mind hit a bad thought.

Will Mason leave me if he finds out I'm pregnant?

Wait, no he's a really responsible guy. He has a career and he seems like his life is more put together than mine. He wouldn't just abandon me like that. I've known him for a really long time.