Toxic (JIKOOK) COMPLETED

27.

Different city, different job, different environment, different people..my life overturned in such way I couldn't have ever thought of.

I was scared, nervous to be on my own in a new place. It always had been one of my flaw. Underestimating myself when I needed to be strong the most.

But the moment, I held my newborn baby in my hands and snuggled him to my chest, the feeling was incomparable to any happiness in the world.

When jungkook and I were dating, he had jokingly told me that he wanted a baby boy in the future. A mini version of him, as playful as him..

I wondered what would his reaction have been if he had carried his son in his hands.

A year had passed of me leaving him, that house, that place but those memories were still there. Some beautiful and the rest of them searing. Only searing!

Jungkook was given life sentence for the murder of his sister. I was there in the court, watching him looking so quiet with his head down. He didn't mutter a word even when judge asked him whether he had something to say or not. His lips just remained zipped.

And when the judge announced his life sentence, jiwon's mom started weeping hysterically...cursing jungkook in between.

'This murderer should be hanged to death. He can't be alive when my daughter is no more with me.' She wailed out and jungkook looked at her in a blink of an eye.

'Mom!' He said while his eyes were twinkling with tears.

And then his eyes fell on me and my bump.

'Jungkook!' I mouthed out and he swiftly looked at the other direction avoiding my gaze as he wiped his tears away.

The officers took him away and that was the last time I had seen him in the last one year.

He must have been hurt with the way jiwon's mom called him a murderer. His hurtful expression said it all.

His same pitiful face flashed infront of me whenever I used to look at my son. He had gotten the same doe eyes as jungkook which should be considered pretty but for me it was a curse.
Why couldn't he had mine features instead of jungkook?

And this is another truth that his eyes never came in my way while pampering him and loving him. If not for my child, I would have given up on my life a long ago. I owed my life to him, to my jiwook.

Jungkook had a perfect alibi to escape from the murdering charges. Knowing how clever he was, he could have shifted jiwon's body to somewhere else and acted like nothing happened while searching for jiwon who was attacked... no one knows where, just like she had said in the call with her mom.

She had herself called her mom from a public booth informing her she was in an unknown place and was attacked and bleeding and what not. Jungkook could have acted as if he didn't know anything but he didn't do so...I guess!

His anger issues, obsessive and controlling behaviour drove him to such state.

I should have left him the second he had slapped me for the first time. But my coward and love blinded ass couldn't muster up courage to leave him. He kept on abusing me, doing whatever came to his mind but neither I raised my voice against him nor I even stopped myself from getting exploitated.

It was really stupid of me to blame on my fate when I wasn't even trying to end whatever the shit we had between us.

Was it wrong for me to still wish for jungkook to be by my side when he did nothing but put me through hell? I claimed, I hated him but my love for him never died.

If only he hadn't hurted me, I would have never even thought about leaving him.

I had always anticipated slaps, and hits with him by side. I was so cautious of my every action. When I was with him, all I wished was for him to love me just like I did to him which never really happened.

But his absence affected me equally too. He wasn't there to look after me like he used to, even if it was an act.

From him being my knight in shining armour to my abuser, the one with whom I had dreamt my future with...effortlessly became a major part of my agonising past mingled with anguish.