These thoughts

introduction

Screaming for help. Trying to escape but no one hears me. I cry out desperatly but no one seems to see what is happening. These little battle in my mind, that I can't control and can't take it anymore. Is killing me.
But the day keeps going. It doesn't matter what is happening because its only in my mind. i lay my hurtful head down, trying to take control of it. Becky, my friend that sits beside me, notices that the desk is wet. She taps on my shoulder softly. i turn to her, with my head down, trying to hide my face. She pulled my head up, uncovered it. She asks, "Are you okay?" "Yes, im fine don't worry" i said trying to hide my face.
Ms.Cart, my science teacher, announced that they will be reading out loud and the reader must come up to the front of the class. As my classmates come up one by one. i don't notice that it was my turn next. The teacher calls me up. i stay still and don't move. Ms.Cart calls me up one more time. "I dont want to go up, can you skip me please?" I said with my head down. "Young lady you have to come up here, it wouldn't be fair for the rest of the students" "Can i please just not go" i start to shake, break down in tears. Running out of the class, into the halls, to the restroom. With cold tears streaming down my cheeks.
I run to the closest restroom i could find. i look at the mirror above the sink. As i see myself with my eyeliner messed up, my face covered with black streams, my hands wet like a towel right after coming out of the shower. I keep telling myself, "You can do this julie, you're better than this. you're beautiful" i stare in the mirror, repeating the same words over and over again but it seems it doesn't help no more. I splash water on to my face to take off the eyeliner. i walk into one of the stalls and sit there. curling my legs together, making myself into a ball. i heard someone come in.
"Julie?" i heard a voice that sounded like Ms.Cart voice. "LEAVE ME ALONE!", I scream with tears down my nose. "YOUNG LADY DON'T YOU YELL AT ME, I CAN SEND YOU-" "I KNOW what you can do and im not afriad of it", My voice gets softer. "Now go back to my class and get yourself together" Ms.cart says. I don't say a thing back and burried my head into my knees. I mumble "I can't take this no more." Ms.Cart waits for my answer.
I got up and didn't say a thing to her. i walk back to class. As i walked back to class. i heard Becky having a conversation with her best friend, Rachel.

"I don't know, she didnt tell me. Im really getting tired of her sh*t" Becky said.
"Why?" Rachel commented.
"I keep asking, whats wrong when she is down or upset but she never tells me nothing at all"
"She might just-"
"Don't you say might, i want to help her but she never wants it and when she does want help she tells me to forget about it"
"Oh"
"Yeah i just, ugh, i just hate her sometimes?!"
"I can tell but you dont know what she is going through"
"Shut up, aren't you my best friend?"
"I am, I'm just saying"
"Still, i don't care"
"Okay" Rachel says quietly.

i walk in lumpy and with my head down. I go find my seat. Ms.Cart comes in just behind me. As they resume to thier reading. Ms.Cart made the choice to skip me.

Rachel comes by my desk and hands me a note. Becky sees the note but I hide it from her. I decided to read it under the table. The note said,

"I may not know what you are going through but if theres anything that i can help you with just tell me. i will always be here when you need me. stay strong my beautiful fighter

P.S please hide this note from becky

Love Rachel

i finish reading the note and look at her and i move my lips trying to say thank you. i smile and rachel smiles back, saying you're welcome.

The class continues on and on reading the book or story or whaterever it was. I try to focus on what rachel said. Shes so kind and sweet, i hope we become friends one day.