SECRET ↝ diary

a fragment of your imagination

HAVE YOU EVER felt like you just want to disintegrate, like just poof! Gone. Nothing is holding you back you just want it all to stop, the pain, the rushing memories that's flooding you. Everything, every single detail you have in your life

You want it to all go away, but you don't know how and you just get overwhelmed with more questions that you are making up yourself.

It's like questions just can't seem to leave you alone, like the world around you is questioning you and your existence. But you just don't have the answers for them

Like any other question you've made up, you can't answer them. Maybe you needed therapy or maybe you just need to stop hyperventilating and start to breathe, but the more you think about breathing the harder it gets for you to do the activity

All of a sudden the world feels like it's spinning, and you can't seem to figure out why because of the constant screaming in your head, you can't seem to think straight

Your hearing feels muffled and your eyelids are heavy, you can't seem to process what had happened so you give up on yourself and let the darkness consume you

Then you feel yourself in a dark room with nothing but a little light that's coming from the corner of the room, you hear yourself overthink and it's making your head hurt

All the screaming is tiring you making you touch it in frustration that you can't control what you think, can't control your emotions. It all gets too overwhelming for you and you let out a scream that echoes through the room,

And you cry out in pain, you're overwhelmed by what's happening that you don't realise you have woken up, with cold sweat coating your body. You couldn't move, it's as if you were in another nightmare but this time it felt real.

You try to get up from the bed, keyword try but it doesn't work. It's like your nightmare had made you forget how to move your muscles and you can't seem to do anything about it

So yet again you lay there, sweat coating you, confusion running through your head. Overthinking what had happened like usual, you start to think everything is a fragment of your imagination,

All your friends, family, your non-existent love life, just everything

It seems as though whenever you try to pick yourself up something keeps weighing you down, you don't know what it is but it's just as if whenever you tried to move on nothing works. Like it keeps repeating itself, over and over and over again. It's like your life was a simulation that couldn't be stopped

Nothing could stop it but you, but how are you supposed to figure out how to do that when you couldn't even control your thoughts or your emotions

So the next thing you know you panic, it's happening again, and you needed to take control over it before it turns into a full-blown heart attack that could kill you, so you try and steady your breathing which unexpectedly works like a charm

Just when you start to relax you hear a beeping enter your head and you shot up from your slumber, look to the corner to see your alarm clock beeping indicating it was time for school

Everything was just a fragment of your imagination...