West & Vega: The Untold Jori

Jade Takes Manhattan

My last trip to New York had been a little rushed. Cat asked me to go with her to an audition the night before she was due to leave. I agreed, for a few reasons. First, because I was worried she wouldn't go otherwise. She had, or thought she had, a falling out with her new girlfriend, and it paralyzed her with anxiety. I didn't want her to miss out on this amazing opportunity. Second, she was my sister and I wanted to support her however I could. And third, it got me away from my mom for a few days while at the same time let me piss away some more of her money.

It was a whirlwind trip. We landed the day of the audition, hurried off to the theater, did the audition, saved Sam and Cat's newly formed relationship, then flew back that night. No time for much of anything else.

This trip would be different. We planned on staying the entire weekend so we'd have plenty of time to see Cat's show, hang out with our friends, and do some sightseeing before we left.

The plan was to meet in the LaGuardia airport as early as possible Friday morning, then hustle over to Sam and Cat's new apartment. Sam planned on surprising Cat with the place a little after lunchtime. We were at the mercy of the airlines and holiday weekend travel to make it on time. Once we all met up, we'd rent a big ass van and just drive to Sam and Cat's place.

Of course, it wasn't just Tori and me. Sam had invited their old neighbors, Dice and Goomer. We all booked tickets for the same flight to make sure we got there together. I was surprised when Dice showed up to wait with us. He'd grown maybe two feet since I'd last seen him. His hair was still ridiculously awesome, all curly and thick. He was sprouting a few on his face too, and when he said hello I was surprised to find his voice was deeper. Seemed like the boys had finally dropped.

Unfortunately, the first thing he said with his deep voice was to Tori: "Are you a parking ticket? Cuz you've got fine written all over you."

Yeah. He actually said that.

In an uncharacteristically protective moment, I stepped in and explained the concept of statutory laws and how, as a minor, he could get Tori in a lot of trouble. I think it scared him; he avoided me the entire flight and didn't talk to anyone but the big guy.

The big guy. Goomer. This dude was cool; a six-foot-four beast of an MMA fighter with a huge list of wins against some very tough guys. Very few people physically intimidate me, and Goomer might have made that list if he weren't literally the dumbest person I'd ever met. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him. He's a lovable teddy bear that could go grizzly bear in half a second. But put him next to Cat, and Cat, bless her simple heart, would look like Bill Jobs or Steve Gates or one of those crazy smart tech guys that seem determined to turn themselves into supervillains.

Come to think of it, Goomer kind of gave off some villain sidekick vibes. You know, like the dumb ones who don't realize they're working for the bad guy. Like that one movie about the snotty prince who got turned into an alpaca or whatever, the dumb oaf in that, voiced by Patrick Warburton, I think.

Okay, I'm getting off-topic.

So, flying west to east is a huge mindfuck with the time zones. To get to New York at 9 AM Eastern Time, we had to leave at 4 AM Eastern Time. If you do the math, that's 1 AM in Los Angeles. So we boarded the plane in the middle of the night, tired and bleary-eyed, and a little more than three hours later, we landed at 9 AM.

If you've never done it before, it really screws with your brain and with your body's internal clock.

The flight itself wasn't bad. Mostly smooth, not a lot of turbulence. I fell asleep for most of it. Tori and I had only slept for maybe an hour before leaving. I planned to crash around 11 but the movie had just ended and we stayed up talking about it for a while.