West & Vega: The Untold Jori

I'll Be Your Star Forever

First dates, man. Am I right?

There's always tons of pressure to pick the right spot, or the perfect outfit or hairstyle. There's a lot of weird pressure and most of the time we put it on ourselves. I guarantee you, whoever you're going out with is doing the same damn thing.

It's even weirder when you're about to go on a first date with someone you've known forever. And made out with. And had sex with. And also used to torment daily and spent years being confused over how you felt about them.

First dates. Right?

If things hadn't happened the way they did, I might not have even thought about it. It may have been premature to blurt out that she was "my girl" or my girlfriend. The fact was, she was going back to school when all this was over and I hadn't even begun to ask myself if I'd be willing to follow her. There was still a lot to talk about, I guess.

I hate talking.

But then this idiot Fawnie shows up and ruins things.

It took me years— years— to figure out my feelings for Tori. I was still in the middle of accepting them. My emotions were out of control, my body felt all strung out. I was aching for her all the time, even when she was right next to me. The intensity of our connection, the goddamn mind-blowing sex, all of these things were spinning my brain right the fuck out of my head. So on top of the confusion and intensity, suddenly I was in full protective mode because someone out there was trying to hurt her. It forced me into a mindset where I was pushed even closer to her before I had my mind sorted out.

I think that's where the idea of taking her out came from. I wanted to get her mind off of things, get away from the hotel and do something fun. I mean, who knew when we'd be back in New York City together? And somewhere in my crowded, overclocked, overthinking brain, I think I knew that we needed to just be together. The circumstances that brought us together were so damn strange, we needed a bit of normal. Whatever normal was.

The problem was, I wasn't good at dating. I had a boyfriend for years, but when we got together we weren't "dating" because we were basically just kids in Jr. High. As the years went on, we'd hang out together at his place or mine, sometimes we'd catch a movie or go out to eat, but there was never a "dating" phase. I had no idea how to "woo" someone or ask them to be with me.

So while Tori and Cat returned to Tori's room to get dressed, I asked Sam to stick around and help me figure out what to do. Andre and Beck agreed they wouldn't be of much use and decided to go get some breakfast elsewhere. I could understand why Beck wouldn't want to be a part of planning my date with Tori. I mean, he pushed me in her direction, but I still felt like maybe he was uncomfortable.

When they were gone, Sam plopped herself in the large armchair by the window. "So, I've got to know—even though I told Cat I wouldn't ask—what the hell did you guys do last night? I mean this room was trashed."

"Don't get your hopes up," I said. "I did that myself last night when I got back."

Sam raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I'm still impressed. That's a lot of destruction for one person."

"Thanks. I think." I unzipped my suitcase and starting rummaging through it, looking for some of the nicer tops I'd brought. I was glad I brought a few options with me, even though I wondered if any of them would work as I looked them over. Stupid first date jitters.

"So do you think this video will mess things up for your movie?"

I was trying not to focus on that, but I understood Sam's curiosity. I shrugged the question off. "I don't know. This industry is so screwed up. No one's ever allowed to make a mistake or have a moment of weakness or do something that some pansy-ass might be offended by. The freaking social media mob gets their knickers twisted one time and suddenly they're all out to ruin your career. And even if you apologize, they still try to crush you because the apology didn't meet their standards. Meanwhile, half the producers out there are nasty pedos with no morals at all, and the celebs who get all outraged with the social media mob are all enablers for their sick behavior." I held up a snug green top and a grey top that dipped lower in the front.