Pouring down
It's been weeks since the last time he talked to me, And my tears of sorrow felt like a nightmare. Waiting on him here in the gate of Municipality of Tingloy while the rain pouring down.
"Manong! Papasukin niyo naman po ako. Gusto ko lang po makausap ang fiancee ko. " I want to clarify things. Is it true that he's going to marry Kim Imperial his ex-girlfriend? I'm not going to believe other people. I want to heard it from him.
Isang basket ang bitbit ko laman ang mga pagkain na niluto ko kanina. Apat na araw ko na 'to na ginagawa. Umaasa na kakausapin niya ako. Kahit ngayon lang! Kahit isang beses lang. Kahit isang minuto lang. I just want to explain my side.
"Ma'am Alanis ipinagbilin po sa amin na wag po kayo papapasukin sa loob." nahihiyang sabi ng guard. Napangiti ako ng pilit.
"Ang kapal ng mukha na lumabas ng bahay! Pag katapos mag pagamit sa kapatid ng fiancee niya! Nakakasuka." rinig ko na sabi ng mga babae sa likuran ko. Tinakluban ko ang mukha ko ng malong na itim na nasa balikat ko.
"Kung ako sa kanya aalis na ako sa Isla na 'to hindi na siya nahiya sa ina niya na kakamatay lang! Grabe ang landi ng bruha akala mo naman maganda."
"Pinatulan lang yan ni Atty. Alvarez dahil akala Santa yun pala Santa-santahan. Malandi!" pasimple ko na pinahid ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko.
Hindi nila pansin ang pag iyak ko dahil nakayuko ako habang nakataklob ang malong sa ulo ko.
" Ano naisipan ni Atty. bakit gusto yan pakasalan? Buti nalang nag bago ang isip ni Atty. "
" Buti nalang na wala yung epekto ng gayuma niya sa anak ni Mayor. "
" Ikakasal na sa susunod na linggo si Atty. sa anak ni Governor. " pa simple akong naglakad papalayo sa mga taong nag chichismisan. Hindi ko papaniwalaan ang sinasabi nila. Gusto ko siya makausap pero mukhang hindi niya gusto.
Ang sakit sakit na masilayan siya sa malayo kasama si Kim na masaya. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ni Kim habang nakangiti. Napakagat labi ako. Habang pinipigilan ang sarili ko na humikbi. Hindi ko alam ang totoo. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan. Dahil nagugulohan ako. Dahil hindi ko alam ang totoong nangyari.
I'm miserable that time my Mom died because of cancer and I don't know what I feel about Frank. He was busy with his work and I was alone at home waiting for someone who can understand me. Waiting for someone who can talk to me. Who can listen to my thoughts.
While he was busy with his career I was miserable and my mind has been a mess. Because of the thoughts that he's with his ex-girlfriend. I want to understand him even though I'm the one who needs the care of someone who loved me. I'm the one who needed him. Because I was alone. I feel alone and no one can understand me.
And now I'm sure that I'm alone.
Everything was like a storm. Everything on me has been broken like a piece of glass.
The one person that I thought na hindi ako iiwan ay sumuko. And I was angry with my best friend Franco. or I was angry at myself not at him. Because I was drunk that night jealous of the thoughts that my fiancee and his ex-girlfriend were together in a hotel. Why his with her in a hotel? A lot of what if entering my mind.
And that night I called Franco.
I just need one person to talk to me. I need him that night because my depression going to kill me.
Every night I was crying in my bed.
Hoping that he comes back, hugs me kisses me, and going to remind me how much he loves me.
