Blank Slates

Chapter 5

 She awoke with a jolt in her room. She immediately sat up, gasping, with her eyes wide and her hands clenching around the sheets. Her dark eyes darted around frantically, trying to soak in her surroundings and figure out what had happened while she was unconscious. Light was streaming through the window, indicating that it was the middle of the day. Why was she still in the dormitory at this hour? Shouldn't she be in class? Finally her eyes fell on her roommate, whose face was a whole canvas of concern and distress.

"Hey, calm down," 101505B said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's alright. You're alright."

She hesitated before speaking, still unsure of what was going on. "We...we're allowed to talk freely?" She lowered her voice. "Are they listening?"

The other girl nodded. "Yes, we can talk. They're still listening, but the biggest restriction right now is just to stay in the room."

"What happened?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. She felt a dull pain on her back, but she ignored it. Her bandages on her back from the whipping was still there, but there appeared to be more on her arms. She attempted to remember the previous events, but everything seemed to be locked away from her.

The blond haired girl tilted her head. "Wow, you really don't remember? It has been the most intense days I've ever experienced."

"I don't remember much. Everything is cloudy and blurry. Why do I have bandages all over me?"

"You were injured in the attack. You were in the infirmary for about a day while they patched you up."

"Right...the attack..." she mumbled. "So what exactly happened again?"

Her roommate proceeded to recount the past events to her roommate. 12505A listened intently, absorbing everything little detail. Slowly but surely, her memories began to return. Although hazy, she could vaguely remember the attack and the shooting and—

"Oh my gosh, 81305B!" she unexpectedly said, her voice louder than expected. "Is he...oh gosh, no..."

Her roommate let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. He was one of the people we lost."

Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, no. Oh gosh..." She felt tears well up in her eyes, but refused to let them out. Even though her roommate assured her that she wouldn't be punished for crying, the fear from her beating still held. She forced her tears back and instead buried her face in her hands.

She felt the other girl stroke her back gently. "I'm sorry. But there's nothing we can do now."

The girl's words were meant to soothe her, but it only had the opposite effect. After thinking hard, more memories began to return to her. She remembered him saving her from the Insurgent who tried to kill her. She remembered running through the hallways with the Sentinels. She remembered the grenade and the explosion. She remembered seeing him lying there, unconscious but still alive. And she remembered leaving him. Though it wasn't her decision, she couldn't help but feel soul crushing guilt. She couldn't help but feel responsible for his death.

"I left him..." she said softly, her voice barely audible.

The other girl raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I saw him there. He helped me and he was hurt. And I left him behind..."

"Why? Why did you do it?"

"The Sentinels forced me away. They wouldn't let me help him."

"Then it isn't your fault. Why are you acting like it's your fault?"

"Because it feels like it is. I could've fought harder or protested and maybe I could have changed their mind..."

101505B simply shook her head. "I know they wouldn't have changed their mind. Not to be harsh, but they would have likely beaten you again for resisting their orders. There was really nothing you could have done, so don't blame yourself for it."