Louis closes his eyes and inhales deeply. It's probably the deepest breath he has ever taken. Harry leans closer to him and gives him a quick kiss as he laces their fingers together, asking Louis to go over their plan once more.
" I go on stage after Fine Line and we sing Habit together, I know, Haz," Louis smiles but deep inside he doesn't know if he's going to be able to stay calm. Or conscious.
Today is the day he's been waiting for since he signed that fucking contract. The fact that they weren't allowed to come out had its impact on their relationship. In the beginning everything was so easy, he liked Harry, Harry liked him and that was all that mattered. They even filmed a coming out video that never got published. But things started to get complicated. They were forced to hide because M*dest! believed that them coming out would have affected their careers in a negative way. So they haven't come out. Yet.
Louis can still remember how good it felt when he first sat down with Harry to read some comments on the internet. Most people were supportive but later more and more of them called them faggots and other homophobic names. And it has kind of broken Louis, he's been doing his best to try and hide his sorrow but there are times when he just sits on Harry's lap and cries, cries and cries.
He's not gonna lie, it is tough but it is all worth it because of Harry. And it will be over soon, they could deal with all this shit and they are stronger than they have ever been. Louis knows they have to do this. It's now or never.
He goes back in the dressing room where Harry is putting on a nice white shirt, Louis blue pants and a suit. Louis draws a weak smile to his lips when he sees his husband's choice of colour. Harry looks gorgeous, just as always.
" Should I get dressed too, baby?" Louis asks quietly.
There are stylists and makeup artists in the room but Harry doesn't care, everyone backstage knows about the plan. He stands up and hugs Louis because he can feel that something is wrong.
" Lou, honey, what's wrong?" he asks, ignoring the question," you don't want to do it? 'Cause we can cancel it anytime, it's your choice too," Harry whispers looking into his husbands baby blue eyes and he presses a soft kiss to Louis' forehead.
Louis shakes his head," no, of course I want to do it. But isn't it just scary like- everyone's gonna talk about this and they will stop coming to the shows and-" he gabbles.
" Baby. Stop. Those people out there, they love you. They love us. So don't worry love, everything's gonna be fine. I promise."
Louis nods and he believes Harry. He believes the sincere look in his eyes, the gentle touch of his big, soft hand on his waist.
" Let's fucking do this!" Louis shouts to increase his confidence and Harry smiles and sits down, waiting for the hairdresser to do something with his always messy curls.
Louis sits down on the sofa in the room, staring at Harry's reflection in the mirror. He knows that the curly's going to do great because he always does great. As selfish as it sounds, he is more worried about himself and how he is going to go up on stage with Harry. It's their first performance together since the hiatus and people don't even know about it, Louis is a surprise guest. What if people will boo and they won't like that he's here?
Harry's hair and makeup are finished, he is ready for the show to begin. He sits down next to Louis and kisses his cheek without saying a word. This is just so hard for both of them.
" Show begins in twenty minutes," Harry smiles.
" It's gonna be great," Louis replies.
" It is. So you come up after Fine Line and-"
" I know, Harry, we've gone over this at least a million times," Louis bursts out laughing.
Harry smiles and nods, admitting that it's true," are you nervous?"
" Of course I am nervous," Louis says, maybe a little too quickly.
" Don't be, baby."
Louis laughs at how simple Harry's solution is and they keep on talking for a few more minutes, trying to forget about the people out there in the arena's auditorium, screaming Harry's name.
They slowly walk to the stairs that lead to the stage and a few people check Harry again, his hair, his clothes, his microphone. Louis won't let go of his husband's hand, not even when he hears someone counting down in the background. Golden starts playing and Harry turns to Louis one last time before going up on stage. They look deeply into each other's eyes and Harry gently touches Louis' arms.
" Next time I'm going to see you we're gonna be free, baby. Love you so much," Harry says and he kisses his husband's lips and turns around to walk up the stairs to meet the thousands of people waiting for him in the auditorium.
" Love you," Louis shouts as Harry blows him a quick kiss from the side of the stage, making Louis' heart warm. He was planning on watching the whole show but he hasn't changed yet so he goes back in the empty dressing room. They have always requested one dressing room, these rooms are big enough for both of them. He locks the door and sits down to think, knowing that within two hours the whole world is going to see that Larry Stylinson is so fucking real.
Someone knocks on the door but Louis pretends not to hear it. He shouldn't have come in here to be alone, it's making things worse. His mind has gone to places that it should've avoided so now he is about to freak out. Why are they doing this? They were fine with this whole closeted thing, this is just an unnecessary nuisance, they don't need this, he thinks. But he gets dressed anyways. He puts on blue loose jeans, a white hoodie and his favourite white baseball cap. His makeup is already done so he takes a quick look at himself in the mirror and nods. Yeah, this looks good.
He sits back on the sofa with his left leg rested on his right knee and thinks that he is not going to do it, he's not going to come out. He thought that he wasn't going to be scared, but he is, as fuck. He is going to stay here in the dressing room and won't care if anyone wants him to go up on that stage because he's not going to. He doesn't want to. He is literally about to cry because he thought he was ready to show the world who he really is and he hates the thought of not being able to do that.
