SPRING: That Brings...

04. When he finally lost him (I)

A/N: happy reading..

Ps: I had never written anything about a playboy Arthit or Kongpob. Cause I am not really comfortable with such concept. However I enjoy to read such stories. Still I was not really able to write about it.

So I tried to give it a shot. And somehow that turned a lot angsty then initially thought.

Hope no one is going to kill me. ×_×

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Normal POV:

Dear Kong,

I don't know if you will ever read this. I don't know if it even worth your precious time! I am sorry if I again got so selfish and left this letter behind for you to see.

Thinking of that again I might have been wanting you to be guilt tripped. Even if just for this one time I might feel elated as if cared.

I know I am no saint to say that. And I am very much aware that you find your solance somewhere else now. But I just want to ask if what we ever had and shared together, had any meaning to you.

Even for a slightest bit.

Well in a way I want you to find this letter and in other, I don't. Somehow right now attached with all these wires and tubes I want you only for myself. But then again didn't I just gave my consent to your new choice over me.

I feel so pathetic crying here in self pity. To feel so helpless in even lifting my hand to write down these words. Yet again knowing that it was also me who let you go without any real fight.

It hurts all over you know. It feels like burning as if I am on fire. Letting my overwhelming self burn away in sear regret of choices.

Then again I feel happy, having a sense of rejoice. Knowing you won't be left alone. When I will be gone.

She must have been really good to you. For you to have thrown away our years long of togetherness as if something worthless. Right?

My inside feels like crumbling having no righteous sense of do's and don'ts. Making me want to make a cut, so long and deep on my body, just to equalise the vex of my heart to it.

Maybe that will help me forget all this. Maybe the physical pain will make it more easy for me to bear, rather then the heartbreak. I am suffering from.

But then again I am just a coward who can't even make a cut and take away the hurt, for once and all. So tell me what am I supposed to do?

Live my already pathetic life that itself is on the verge of decaying to nothingness. Or simply give it away, without any try. Tell me so that I can decide!

Cause for once having everything under my feet to be swept away of every happiness was enough. And I am not sure if I will make it alive this time, or have time to go through the experience again.

However thinking about the people who still cares for me, I can't bring myself for doing so. Cause seeing them hurt because of me, will hurt more. Then any stupidity I will ever commit in self loathe.

And I shouldn't make things more difficult ranting my guts out then it already is. So I won't let this be in front of your eyes to read and act immediately, as I don't want to ruin even the smallest contact we might have for now.

So I will hide it away for as long as to be gone for kind of forever. Cause when the time comes I want you to read it with the utter calm, you have always been bestowed with.