Christmas Mornings (on hold)

Christmas Mornings and Hot Pandesal

|| Third Dawn Mass. Thursday. December 18 ||

All I could ever think of, for the whole day at school yesterday, was second chances. I knew it was stupid and crazy, but a girl could hope. I still loved Alonzo even after a year. Even after everything. He didn't cheat on me. That was a fact. However, him wanting out of the relationship because he felt locked up and choked was more painful than him cheating on me.

You heard me right. I'd rather he cheated on me than tell me he wanted out because I was too possessive and demanding. Clearly I wasn't and I'm not trying to sound defensive.

I mean, I couldn't understand why he didn't want my company as much as I wanted his. I felt like there were too many people in our relationship. Like, he always wanted his friends around all the time. Don't get me wrong, I adored his friends too, but was it too much to ask for us to have more time alone with each other?

I heard a knock on my bathroom door. "Honey, Clara's here. I'm heading out. Do you want me to save you a seat?" Mom said from the other side of the door.

"No thanks mom. I'll find a seat at the back today." I shouted back on top of the shower noise.

I thought of taking the back seat again today. I just didn't want any chance encounters with Alonzo again. After what I said to him yesterday, I had a feeling my morning won't be that eventful. I was hopeful and optimistic.

I hurriedly got dressed and took my mountain bike from the shed at the back of our house. I had no classes in the morning today so I had no excuse to skip the car, save gas, and do some leg exercise.

The cold early morning wind hit my face as I pedaled my bike. I loved biking this time of the day mainly because it's still cold and dark. I checked my watch and saw I wasn't running late so I took my time biking. The perks of an early morning ride was, of course, fresh morning air.

I remembered, out of nowhere, the last time I biked. It was during the semestral break with Alonzo.

It was our 7th month anniversary. He surprised me early in the morning when he showed up outside our house with a boquet of three dozen light pink and peach roses and a paper bag full of chocolates.

I thought that was it but he told me to get my bike and he would take me somewhere I would absolutely love.

We headed to Samal Island for a day of nonstop trail biking. It was my first time to bike that long of a distance. It was tiring, exhilirating, exciting, and fulfilling, all at the same time. We went to a certain spot overlooking the whole shore of Samal Island facing Davao gulf. It was so breathtakingly beautiful.

I did love his surprise. The amazing view that I shared with the most special person in my life, Alonzo. I fell in love with him even more because of that.

I knew we were so in love back then. I could still remember the look in his eyes when he watched me excitedly taking pictures of the view. The smile on his face when he intently listened at my rants on starting an adventure blog. The tenderness of his lips when he kissed me as the sun set. The warmth of his embrace as we sat on a spot near the cliff and watched the setting sun.

I saw the chapel up ahead and shook the memories off my mind. I should quit remembering stuff about Alonzo because, first, it was in the past, second, he was the past, and third, I should hate him. Only I couldn't. I am crazy.

I parked on the sidewalk and chained my bike and headed towards the back of the chapel. I wasn't late. The congregation was just lining up at the entrance at the back of the chapel. I hurried to a spot near the burning votive candles.