Christmas Mornings (on hold)

Christmas Mornings and Votive Candles

|| Second Dawn Mass. Wednesday. December 17 ||

I half dragged my butt out of my bed the following morning. I knew I had to attend the mass but I was also aware of the solid fact that Alonzo would be there again too.

My encounter with him at the mass yesterday was something I never ever dreamed of. The hands of fate had a cruel way of putting things in place. Yesterday's turn of events was a proof of that.

I looked at my alarm clock on the bedside table which buzzed ten minutes ago. It was already 3:25 in the morning. Too early yet already too late. The mass would start 35 minutes from now. I had to hurry up if I wanted to get a decent seat.

Still half asleep, I got off the bed and took a hot shower. Though it was still very early for a shower, I had no choice. I had an early class and I planned on heading straight to school after the mass. I would just have to grab breakfast somewhere else.

"Honey, you want me to pack some sandwiches for you?" mom asked as I was halfway done with my shoe laces.

Today was washday Wednesday so I could wear anything decent apart from my school uniform. I chose to slip on a white crop top and gray high-waist skinny jeans. I covered myself with a pink cotton cardigan and finished my look with my favorite old beaten chuck taylors.

"Sure ma." I called out getting the keys to my hot pink volkswaggen. "Is auntie Clara picking you up?"

"Yes honey. I think she'll be here in a bit. Will you save us some seats?" She handed me a bag of freshly made sandwiches.

"Okay." I hugged her and kissed her cheek, "Thanks ma."

I grabbed my flowery rucksack bag from the sofa and stuffed my sandwiches in. Once inside the car I chanted a short prayer. "Please don't let our paths cross today." Then I headed off to the chapel.

I arrived just on time but the mass had not started yet. As I got near the side entrance of the chapel, the commentator announced that the priest would be a little late. So I decided to go at the back of the chapel and light some prayer candles.

I dropped a twenty peso bill in the love offering box beside the box of candles. I took one small round white candle and lighted it.

"Please give me peace today oh Lord. No more surprises please." I prayed silently.

After a few seconds of watching the candle melt, I went ahead and looked for three seats. All the seats inside the chapel were already taken so I settled for the monoblock chairs lined outside. After a few minutes, my mom and aunt arrived and took the seats I saved for them.

Today's mass was lively. The priest was very funny and engaging. During his homily the chapel was filled with laughter. Everyone was wide awake because of the priest's wit and humour.

I was filled with relief because I have not seen any trace of Alonzo yet. So far so good. I only wished that I wouldn't see him at all and my day would be complete.

I remembered vividly how awkward his presence was yesterday. The moment I laid eyes on him, I couldn't put myself to concentrate as the mass was going on.

I was so distracted at how closely we were seated. At how our arms occassionally brushed. At how tightly he held my sweaty hands while we sang the Lord's Prayer. At how my knees wobbled when he smiled at me when we said peace be with you. At how he smelled of the same perfume that he always wore when we were still... Enough! No more flashbacks Madison! Stop it! Yesterday was the end. Period.

I stood up and fell in line for the holy eucharist. I knew there was a very slim chance of seeing Alonzo today. There were just so many people who attended the mass and it would be impossible to see him with this anttendance. There was absolutely no way our paths would cross again this time.