*°:⋆Jυѕт Oηє Sтєρ Cℓσѕєя | Jιкσσк⋆:°*

「20; Wanna make out? 」

"What did you feel when you realized?"

Jungkook shrugs.

"I dunno."

"Jungkook," the older woman looks at him with both calm and intensity and somehow it always makes him feel comfortable, "We've been over this. Express what you felt."

Jungkook glances down at the table between them, playing with the piercing in his lip as he zones out for a minute.

"Like I'm... useless. Realizing that I wasn't even good at being a toy for her made me feel useless. I thought that I had real feelings for her. For the first time, I felt like I could do it right. I was wrong. I can't. Not even with someone who's using me for that one reason. I'm fucking useless."

"Do what right?"

"Feel something more for someone without screwing it up."

Jungkook watches with empty eyes as she writes in her notepad.

"What did you feel when you were together with her?"

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"When you say 'feel something more'... What did that feel like?"

"I..." Jungkook tries to make out the difference, finding it very hard now, "She understood how it was to have a fucked up childhood. I felt understood."

"Did you feel happy when you were with her?"

Jungkook huffs out an annoyed breath, anger and defensiveness bubbling up inside him,"Why the fuck are you asking so many questions about what I felt? She obviously didn't feel anything for me! I want to forget it, not reminisce in the memories!"

The woman just looks at him with the same gaze as always as Jungkook glares at her.

"I think that you need to remember it in order to understand what your inner fight is about," she says calmly, not once breaking eye contact, "You're not sick, Jungkook-ah. This isn't something that medicine can fix. Only you can."

Jungkook doesn't show how much that means to him. He clenches his jaw and fights the urge to cry.

"You don't think I'm sick?"

"Not at all. Just... Don't fight your heart's wishes. Follow them and see where it leads you. I'm sure you'll find your very own medicine some day."

✩

Jungkook wakes up with his heart racing. He hasn't dreamed about those days in over a year.

He used to dream about the other psychologists and doctors who showed him options of how to cure him. Nightmares.

This is the first time his subconscious has reminded him of the one he told almost everything. The one who believed that there was nothing wrong with him.

He stays unmoving in bed, remembering the things she told him. To follow his heart and see where it leads him and then he would find the answers.