You gave me wings

Chapter seven

Indy looked hurt at first, and I immediately felt guilty even as confusion replaced his initial reaction. 

"Too far?" she asked, not able to meet my gaze.

This level of insecurity was not something I had expected from her, but I could understand it. "I just... don't see... how you could..." I took a breath, "be attracted to me like that." 

She looked up faster than I had expected, causing my heart to sort of twitch back in surprise. "Wait, so, you... don't regret the kiss?" 

I wanted to laugh, still feeling her lips on mine like some sort of ghost sensation. No words could describe how badly I wanted to feel them on mine again. "I worry you will," I replied. 

Her mouth fell open in a small 'O' as the confusion greatened her face. 

"But I kissed you first," she eventually spoke. We were close again. She was playing with my shirt and I was playing with hers. 

"And so did the other two in my past, only come to find out they didn't really want to do it in the first place." 

I had to admit, she wasn't acting at all as they had. They'd put as much distance between me and them as they could muster under some guise or other. This girl was staying as close as she could get.

I was desperate to just let go of this fear I had, to enjoy the moment as long as it lasted, but a greater part of me wanted to keep me safe, and I was having a hard time ignoring the logic of it. 

She looked into my eyes now. "Why do you think I can't be attracted to you?" She asked. After a beat, she added: "Especially when, at least to me, it's clear that I am." 

Here we go, I thought.

"Because I'm not your type." 

I'd seen the girls she'd been with at school once she'd come out. They were the muscular, attractive types. I wasn't lanky, but I wasn't pretty as well. I was right in the average weight zone for my height. I wore whatever made me comfortable, not whatever was deemed stylish. My clothes never accented any parts of my body. 

I ate like it was my last day on earth. I didn't work out outside of the running around I did for gym class. My manners needed work. I had a lot of anxiety and insecurity issues. 

Those girls had been goddesses. The epitome of mental and psychical perfection. I was what... a bug in comparison? 

"Those girls were chosen by my friends, not by me. I didn't have the guts to tell them no. I wasn't attracted to them at all. You don't really know my type, Call; just what the school deemed should be my type." 

I swallowed; worried I had insulted her. Had I truly ruined everything? 

"I'm sorry. I-" "I don't blame you. That's what getting to know each other is for. I've been interested in you for a while, I just never found an opportunity to do anything about it before." 

Wait. Rewind. What?! She'd had feelings for a while?! Mind... blown.

"You mean until our director..." She nodded. "How long??" 

Her eyes met mine. "Remember when you saved that kitten?" 

I remembered instantly and was fucking floored. "Girl, that happened sophomore year!" 

Two years ago! TWO YEARS?! I'd never had a single fucking clue! She... she'd never... oh my god...

Indy looked sheepish. "Just... we were in the middle of some random English test, and all of a sudden you leaped out of your seat. The teacher yelled at you to sit your ass back down, but you said something about a kitten, a kitten of all things, and ran off. Everyone watched as you reappeared outside the window. I'd never seen anyone climb a tree so fast. I was so sure the kitten was going to jump, but it never did. It didn't run from you. The whole thing was over in less than five minutes but the fact that you willingly sacrificed a test grade to save an animal... Not many would've done that; certainly nobody else in our class. It showed you had such a pure, kind soul, a beautiful gentle personality. It was amazing. I wanted to talk to you after, I wanted to say how awesome I thought you were, but my friends kept getting in the way. Time after time I'd come close to approaching you, and time after time something would get in the way."