Thinking Speaking

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This was some straight bullshit on my momma, I was fuckin raging, this bum ass nigga gone put his hands on Nick, Ian never liked that cheatin ass bum he got hella nerve

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This was some straight bullshit on my momma, I was fuckin raging, this bum ass nigga gone put his hands on Nick, Ian never liked that cheatin ass bum he got hella nerve.

Out of the cornor of my eye I see Nick smiling at me with a stank face, I looked at him real quick then back at the road.

"Fuck you smilin for."

"Cause I can the fuck?" He cocked his neck to the side.

We pulled up at a stop light and I grabbed a hand full of his hair and yanked him to me.

"Watch who you talking to shawty for real."

"Ow, lemme the fuck go, you're hurtin me." He started whining but I was pissed, it all got to me and I didnt let him go, if anything I held on tighter.

"Ow Blue please? You're hurting me." He grabbed at my fingers trying to pull them loose, I saw red and pulled over once the light turned green.

All I could think about was that nigga putting his hand on him at first but then my mind went to other places, places I didnt want to be ever again. I put my other hand around his neck and squeezed alittle.

"Please Blue, im sorry, I wont get slick ever again." His voice started breaking up.

"Shut up bitch, you keep your fuckin mouth shut, talkin to me like I'm some nigga off the streets." I shook him with my hand around his neck and still pulling on his hair.

"No, I'm sorry, please Johnathan, im so sorry." He cried still tryin at my fingers, I

My name rang threw my ears, and I look at his face.

What the fuck?

What the fuck am I doing?

I pulled back from him.

He scooted closer to the door and stared at me, I saw all the fear and hurt.

Shit, shit, shit.

"I-i Nick, Im so sorry." I tried to touch but he flinched back.

"Take me home." He whispered again as he held on to his self, what the fuck did I do.

"Take me home please!" He said louder, holding on to his fingers as they shook, and I didnt say anything else I started the car and just drove.

I cant believe that happened but I know exactly why, I didnt take my fuckin medicine, I was so ready for today that I didnt take my fuckin medicine! Just thinking about it pisses me off but I gotta keep my cool before something worse happens or I scare him more.

As we were pulling up he made sure he had all his stuff then he bolted to his door.

I cried as I fumbled with these fuckin keys, I cant believe what the fuck just happened to me, I thought I was about to die

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I cried as I fumbled with these fuckin keys, I cant believe what the fuck just happened to me, I thought I was about to die.

I need to hurry up before he chooses to come up behind me and attack me or worse, my fuckin thoughts are everywhere right now, everythings twisted, this waa my first having this shit done to me... I was starting to like him too, how could he put his hands on me like that?

I finally opened the fuckin door, I walked in, locked the door, and went upstairs to my room got in my bed and just cried. Every fuckin time I think a nigga want me for me they show me their true fuckin colors, worst part is, is I didnt even do shit.

Should have learned from my daddy that I cant trust mu'fuckas.

--

It was late at night, I had just woken up, I was thinking, just fuckin thinking and my mind wondered, I remembered the last girlfriend my daddy had.

He was so in love with her, after failing so many times to find somebody to love him like he did them..my momma left him occasionally when she felt like it, she left US when she felt like it, wasnt until the day of my birthday she'd finally left, Id turned 13 that year.

His last girlfriend gave him hope, and that bitch took it right back from him, she was always nice to me.

I remember the first time I saw her hit him.

My daddy's a soft man, he likes pretty things and shit, he isnt like me wearing makeup and dressing up but he's soft, everything about him is soft but his appearance.

She had taken us all out and our waitress was being too flirty she'd said, she put on a show in the restaurant and then made us all go home.

That day she beat my daddy with a cane that my grandma left behind for when she stayed over, she beat him till he was begging her to stop, and she made me watch, I can remember my daddy telling me to go to my room and her telling me if I did she would beat him some more.

I stayed right where I was at, no matter how loud he yelled for me to go, I know he didnt want me to see him like that but I'd risk anything for my daddy.

I remember not being in control, begging her to stop and her not stopping, that night they had sex, I could hear my daddy sniffling as she moaned, I cringe at the memory, wanting to stop thinking about that bitch, but not being able to.

Sigh.

I promised I'd never be like that again, Id never beg somebody thats supposed to want me, not to hit me and Id damn sure never beg somebody that doesnt love me, to love me back.

I really wanted him to like me though...

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