TW // SH, PAST SCARS, IMPLIED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION
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It'd been 2 months and a few days, since he'd taken a blade to his inner thighs. Everything was ok, right? Moving in with dream went great! But, it felt weird. He couldn't hang up on dream to cry himself to bed, he couldn't make a stupid excuse to leave the call, and he obviously couldn't make the excuse of being tired so dream wouldn't know he had been self-harming.
The tall, messy brown-goldish man kept watch of him. Making sure he was eating properly, sleeping properly, and of course not self-harming. He wanted to make sure Sap was ok, really having sapnap move with him was a way to keep an close on him. Them living in rooms next to each other was convenient, for dream.
He'd done his long awaited shock stream, god he hated himself. He shouldn't of done face-cam he should have made a stupid excuse. But he couldn't, his chat was horrible. All speaking about how high pitched his voice was, how he'd become silent while on calls with his closest friends. They noticed how he'd changed.
An then it happened, it was too much. People on twitter calling him disgusting names due to his appearance anywhere. Saying he shouldn't be living with dream because "dreamnotfound" is more important than their friendship. He was always left out of the 'fans' edits, fanfics, and the meet up. All they're fans had acted as if George and Dream we're the only two in the Dream Team.
He called bad, maybe he could help before he'd done something he'd regret dearly. He turned on his pc, loading screen popping up. Then everything had loaded, he'd click the gray application called "discord" he saw how bad's status was 'online' so he went ahead and gave him a ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
No answer.
Maybe he was busy! Yeah, maybe he busy or he was ignoring him. He didn't want to bother quackity or Karl, they'd been meeting up again! He'll just be a burden wouldn't he? His friend's don't want to hear his issues, they have enough issues as it is, he'd just be adding onto them.
He checked Twitter. Worst choice he could have made. Everything on his Timeline was speaking about how dream and George we're acting on HIS stream. On HIS stream, it was painfully clear that the fan's didn't care for him. Didn't care for the effort, the time, the pain he'd gone through that entire stream. He'd close his discord tab and twitter tab.
Opening up twitch, he went to his most recent stream vod. He debated should he delete it or not? What would the fans think? Who cared. The fans didn't care for him, jesus christ George and Dream probably didn't care, and bad, he'd probably be too busy and forget about him. He hovered over the button. 'Delete stream VOD?', he made his choice. 'Stream VOD deleted.' he sighed out.
He went back to his bed, his phone dinged. He was too drained, too sleepy, too empty. He'd answer whoever it was when he's feeling better. He put his music playlist on Spotify that he made for him to calm down. That wasn't working.
Why did he feel so empty? So worthless, to everyone as if he was a useless dog no kid wanted anymore. Thrown in the trash, he'd read what 'fans' would say about him, calling him overweight, fat, hideous. Was he really that ugly? That his own fans said something about it?
knock.
knock.
knock.
That had been 3 knocks, he began to cry. He didn't want his longest friend to see him crying. He didn't want to seem so pathetic to Clay, he shouldn't have been so sensitive towards things kids on twitter would say.
