Love to Hate You: Three's a Crowd

Chapter 6 - Impasse

'Can you believe Xander's going to be a father?' Mattie asked for the umpteenth time that evening. She'd wittered on about the surprise pregnancy during the drive back from the school's cheese and wine evening. She had continued her pointless ruminations whilst saying goodnight to Ramona (who'd been looking after the boys whilst their parents were out), and whilst watching Rafe cook real, adult food. She'd paused in her diatribe whilst she set the table and Rafe plated their meal, but no sooner than her husband's toned backside had kissed the seat of his chair, she was at it again. 'Xander, a father? I literally cannot picture it at all, and they're not even dating. I don't even think – from what Amy said and the mix up with Rudy – that they're even still sleeping together. And now they're bound together for life!'

'Please!' Rafe said, with a grimace, as he drew in a supposedly-calming breath through his nostrils; his cutlery suspended in mid-air, because he could not consume and digest his meal if he had to listen to his wife's relentless rambling a moment longer. 'She's pregnant. He's the father. It's done. It has nothing to do with us, and we've no need to discuss it further. Certainly not until it's born.'

'But what about –'

'No!' Rafe interrupted. 'I want to eat my dinner without talking about babies. For months it's been endless baby talk. Don't think I don't know that this pregnancy is making you hope I'll give in.' Mattie tried not to look contrite because to do so would admit to her guilt, but it was difficult, because despite being intrigued by the shock-factor of Xander's situation, despite being titillated by the months of gossip said situation was likely to generate, she had – when crossing the big roundabout with the petrol station on the drive back from school – realised that someone close to her was having a baby and she wasn't. She'd seen the unplanned pregnancy as an opportunity to raise the topic of a planned pregnancy of their own. Yet again. (The issue had been discussed endlessly, to neither spouse's satisfaction.)

'I know we've discussed having another child, and I know you've made your feelings perfectly clear, but you might change your mind. Seeing someone else go through a pregnancy can do that.'

'It won't do that,' Rafe told her blandly. 'I cannot think of a single time I've looked at or thought about, prospective parents and felt jealous or sentimental or anything other than "You've got no idea what you're letting yourself in for".

'You love the boys!' Mattie cried vehemently. Calmly – almost to spite Mattie for her provocation – Rafe replied, –

'I do. Very much, but they're bloody hard work, and that's even though their ours. A child that had nothing to do with you or me is of no appeal whatsoever. I couldn't care less.'

'Yes!' Mattie insisted, with eyes which had widened with excitement. She'd somehow managed to misinterpret what he'd said as a door left ajar, when in fact, the door was firmly bolted, and was in the process of being bricked-up. 'A child that isn't ours is quite different. But another baby would be ours. You would care, wouldn't you?' He frowned at her, his cutlery resting noisily against his plate. It seemed he would be prevented from eating entirely.

'No,' Rafe told her firmly. 'I wouldn't care, because our hypothetical third child will never exist. I've told you how I feel. I'm not going to change my mind.'

'So, I should just accept that?' Mattie said; her ears ringing with the flow of thickly pumping blood. She felt close to tears. Certainly, Rafe had been against the idea of having another child from the first time she'd mentioned it, and he had never been the type of man to mince his words. He'd made his feelings perfectly clear. And yet now, at the dinner table, with Xander's latest fling unexpectedly pregnant, Rafe sounded more firm and final than he ever had before. He was inflexible. His refusal was given with a cool, calm, implacable delivery. The cajoling and sensitive considerations for her own wishes had vanished. He was blunt in his opinion, and the situation suddenly seemed utterly hopeless, whereas before, Mattie had thought it something they needed only to "work on".