ROXANNE {ongoing}

• 3 •

2 years ago.

When I was in junior high, I used to have friends. They were fun to be around, I can't say the same for me though.

The three of us were close.

Until he came, and shit hit the fan.

Damon Salamanca came to our school and he naturally became popular.

He was handsome, eloquent, rich, and smart. Smarter than me, so I'd always had the second place. I didn't particularly mind.

When he came, he also caught my curiosity.

So, I observed him.

The thing I noticed about him is that, he smiles a lot, not to please people, but to shut them up.

He gave the vibe of a clever person. He had a lot of friends around him.

He was nice to everyone, and everyone around him gradually worshipped him.

But him being nice to everyone, meant that he treats everyone the same, making you feel like you're not special.

He had a broad wall around him, refusing anyone to enter.

I found his ostentatious lifestyle tiring and entertaining, why do people like him try so hard? I didn't understand, well it's not like I need to understand.

I slowly noticed that he looks down on people, unkindness in his eyes is seen clearly on my perspective. I was right.

When somebody was about to be expelled, the same person who didn't really like him and talk shit about him,

I caught him smile, a first genuine smile that I saw.

And he saw that I saw.

And I knew he planned it all. I didn't do anything about it, I didn't have proof, but him suddenly hanging out with the people who didn't like him, and the next day they were expelled for doing drugs.

Seems not so coincidental.

It was not my business, so I just watched. Maybe it was also because I didn't care if they got wrongfully expelled or not. I never really cared for strangers or people mostly.

He reminded me of my used to be parents, calculative and cunning. And cold even when they're smiling.

When I knew what he was, I lost interest.

But he took things that I barely had.

My friends, my ranking, my reputation.

My friends stopped hanging out with me, and came to him. I got paired with the people who jeopardizes my grades. A lot of rumors that I cheated in my exam reached the surface. I knew it was him.

Why?

Is it because I keep observing him, doesn't everyone?

I don't hate him even when he's two faced. Aren't we all, one way or another?

But I think he hates me deeply.

I lost my friends, my grades fell, but thankfully I decreased the rumors by proving I didn't cheat by getting a high grade.

It was that time I truly had felt lonely.

The rumors gradually decreased, but it was still there causing people to have doubts even when I proved I was not. Humans are like that.

One day, I bumped into him. Causing all the stuff I was carrying to fall into the dirty floor.

Even if he hates me, he wouldn't show it to his followers, right?

Well, he looked down on me and stepped on my stuff, accidentally.

His followers laughed and they left me alone in the dark hallway with my stuff still on the ground.

It was humiliating. But I was fine.

I was wrong to observe him, it wasn't worth it. But is it really fair for him to do this to me?

Life isn't fair. I heard the voice of a woman inside my head, the voice of my dear mother.

I know.

I slowly picked up my stuff and get up.

"It's fine." I whisper to myself.

My days after that didn't get better, I got into the group with him.

I voiced out different propositions for the topic, but he always shut them down, my spirits down, and propose much better ones not keeping mine in mind.

Dragging it into the mud, harshly.

I wanted to ask him why he hates me. But then, he'd probably just deny it and retaliate by causing more rumors. My reputation is already bad as it is.

I was getting tired.

The pressure from my used to be parents was getting onto me, asking why my grades where dropping.

It wasn't my fault that the class didn't tell me there was a new quiz, it wasn't my fault that my notes suddenly disappeared.

My "parents" spoiled my younger step sister, but put all expectations to me. All the pressure.

They were disappointed, and went abroad to go with my step-sister for her school.

Leaving me here.

And the school days was not getting better for me. I got sick and missed the exam, falling to 5th place.

It was still high, but I was extremely disappointed to myself.

A lot of important people in my life left me. As his presence suffocates my entire existence.

I was lonely.

I was tired.

Everything was a little too much, I felt like my days will just get worst if I stay.

So, I dropped out. No one cared though, no one looked for me.

I got into a new school, and my overbearing hate for that man caused me to unconsciously forget him.

Forget those bad memories.

I never got the chance to confront him but it didn't matter.

He took away the little things I barely have left.

I had nothing much, yet he still took it away. How cruel.