Just Leave Me Alone.

Day 4-January 26,2015

3:12 pm
Depression depression depression. the word that now rules my life. School is a drag. Home is hell. And friends are disappearing.

5:38 pm
A worse feeling than being depressed, is seeing others depressed, And a worse feeling that seeing others depressed is seeing them suicidal, and a worse feeling than seeing them suicidal is having to talk them out of suicide.

8:01 pm
I am broken. And I cannot breathe. Lacey stopped responding an hour ago. She wrote me a huge long text about how she appreciated me and how much I had helped her but how nothing would change the unbearable pain that life threw at her. she told me sorry then didn't even read any of my texts. I feel like a boulder is sitting on my chest.

9:52 pm
This is it. As soon as she stopped responding I called the police. I knew she would be pissed at me but I couldn't let her throw her life away. I was to late. By the time they got there she was hanging off of a light fixture, one note on the floor underneath her. Addressed to me. Not one for her mom, dad, brother, Lex... No one but me. I got the call an hour and a half ago and I haven't stopped crying. I wouldn't expect myself not too... But I couldn't save her. I called to late, expecting I would be able to talk her out if it again, like I have for the past 3 1/2 years. Remorse. Sorrow. Shame. I haven't looked away from the mirror just telling myself how stupid I was to let this actually happen... I have Aaron but he won't even be able to help this time. We can't see each other so I have no one to hug, or tell me it'll be ok. Even if I could see Aaron he would probably tell me that I was overreacting. I don't know how much I can take before I do the same thing as Lace...