My fingers rest on the keyboard. I take a deep breath. Steady myself. Will myself to write again. But I can't— Nothing is there, nothing at all. And worst of all, I don't really care what my fingers want.
They long to type freely. They hope for it. They wait on the moment when the creative juices flow... unendingly...unstoppingly...those aren't even real words...Yet, the signals coming from my brain are halting...stuttering...the words come out painfully and awkwardly, etching their way across the screen like a knife carving into ironwood.
–March 2015
Today is the 17th of June, the year 2016. The last good thing I wrote – Little One – was published in May 2014. I can't believe I've been completely away from Wattpad for over two years.
First, I would like to apologize for the people I left hanging for so long. I completely disappeared without even explaining. I wanted to come back after some time, but I guess I was just too ashamed.
Every time I picked up a pen, or a rainbow colored pencil, or sat down to type, nothing but gibberish would come out. I would love to say that I've improved in this time, but I haven't. I've read, more then and now than ever before, but I didn't write. In the first months, I barely slept. When I did, I'd wake up with sticky, red skin on both cheeks from where my tears had plastered my face to the pillow.
What happened? A boy. I loved him. And he died.
A year ago, I wasn't ready yet to come back and open it all up again.
But I am now.
YOU ARE READING
Shadow World (The Best of Ai)
PoetryI do not know your thoughts. I do not know your heart. I do not know your deepest desires, your hopes, or late night ponderings. Would you like to know mine? (Alternatively) A collection of Ai's best pieces of writing, short stories, random bursts...
