Sailing West

40 • Decisions

Chapter Song: Therapy by Khalid

There are moments in life that define you.

Accomplishments that mark your success. Embarrassments that leave permanent scars. Lessons that help shape the person you will become.

Watching Stella run away was one of those defining moments for me.

Everything inside my body was screaming, "Run! Run, you idiot! This is your chance!"

But I didn't move.

And it wasn't because I didn't love her. I did love her. I was sure I'd always love her, no matter the time or distance between us.

The tears in my best friend's eyes hurt worse than my dad's Naval Academy ring when it split my lip, and it hurt worse than feeling his hands around my throat.

My dad had always hurt me. But Spencer always had my back. And instead of being honest with him, I'd lied.

"Now," my father said sharply. "Westmore, you will be going back to the Naval Academy next month, or" he pointed a finger at Spencer, "I'll be pressing charges on Spencer for battery."

"Battery?" Tom Fredericksen snapped. "Now, wait just a minute. The only one who looks battered is your boy."

My dad gave me a dragging glance. "He looks fine to me. Isn't that right, Westmore?"

I swore time stood still as soon as my name left his mouth.

Here was my choice—fall into ranks like a good little Tenney or burn my family to the ground.

My mom was around here somewhere. I could tell her about the affair right now and wipe the smug look off my dad's face.

But, I had no proof, besides what I heard through a door. And Stella had only seen them together in a hotel room—she hadn't seen them doing it.

I realized that's why my dad was being so bold—he knew I didn't have proof. None of us did.

I could still press charges on him for battery. That would end his career, too. Maybe I should be the one to call the police. But, the voice in my head sounded weak.

My future had always been charted out, and falling back into my familiar life would be so easy. Mindless, even. I could see my friends at The Academy. I'd be a first class midshipman this year. There would be football games and classes and a routine. I knew that version of myself.

And I knew if I stayed around, I'd always be looking for Stella. Maybe finding ways to let our paths cross. Wondering and waiting for her to show up at my apartment in New York and tell me she was ready to be mine forever.

I took one look at Spencer—saw the hurt and the betrayal in his eyes—and made my decision.

"Give me a few minutes, dad. Okay?"

My father eyed me suspiciously but gave a curt nod.

"Spence, we need to talk."

Spencer had venom in his tone when he said, "We don't have anything to talk about."

"Just hear me out. If you want to leave and never talk to me again after that, I'll understand. But, give me one minute." I had to hold back tears when I added, "Please."

I didn't think he would, but Spencer followed behind me as I walked out of the vestibule and found a quiet corner.

It was difficult for me to speak the truth because whenever I did, it would lead to what just happened--my father beating my ass or berating me--but I finally had the strength to face that possibility anyway. Even if Spencer decided to punch me in the jaw too.

"I know how this all looks--"

Spencer cut me off with a humorless laugh. 

"I fucked up. I fell in love with the same girl that my best friend did."

Spencer crossed his long arms and looked away. Tears shining in his eyes. "How the hell could you do this to me, West? You knew how I felt about her?"

I shook my head, feeling lower than I'd ever felt before. "I didn't know how to say it, because of my dad and my own bullshit issues." A warm tear landed on my own cheek and I wiped it away. "Spencer, she doesn't love me, and she doesn't want to be with me. She wants you."

Spencer shook his head. "And why would I believe you now, West?"

I couldn't miss the way he called West. Not Joon. A sign that the closeness between us had disappeared. 

"Because when I asked her to give me a chance, she told me she loves you and that she wants to be with you." 

My best friend studied me with eyes that could see right through me. He had an uncanny ability to know truth from lies, which was one of the reasons he didn't lie himself. It was one of Spencer's best qualities, and it's what made him a true friend. 

I always thought I wanted Spencer's life. His easy way of being and his accepting parents. But deep down, I wanted to be the kind of man he was. Honest and unafraid of his feelings. 

Which was why it hurt so much when he looked me in the eye and said, "If you and I are ever going to be friends again--which won't be for a long fucking time--you better stay the hell away from Stella."

I nodded, knowing that I could do this one last thing for my best friend, to prove just how sorry I was. 

A/N

Did you expect this from West?

xx
AJ