Sometimes you have to go through the hard times to realize how strong you are

Oneshot

Hail HYDRA.

The Winter Soldier's hand continued to tighten around the man's throat until he became nothing more than an inarticulate puppet and collapsed to the ground.

A sound of hurried footsteps to his left caught his eye. Someone was trying to put a key in the lock of the door to escape.

The Winter Soldier approached him with a threatening step.

"Please" the man faced the Winter Soldier and was panting. On his face was nothing but fear.

He repeated over and over "I didn't see anything." as the Winter Soldier approached.

Bang

Bucky woke up with a start, breathing rapidly. As always, it took him a few minutes to realize where he was -an arm slipped around his waist- and who he was with.

Because of his experience with veterans suffering from PTSD and especially after several years of living together with Bucky, Sam knew how to react. So he waited, his arm the only point of contact between him and Bucky. He waited for his breathing to become regular again. He waited to feel the tense muscles relax under his arm.

Then, as always, Bucky's hand touched Sam's, which was resting on his stomach.

Sam knew this was a sign for him to move closer. Which he did slowly, until his mouth was almost pressing against the back of Bucky's neck.

"I'm here...and you're here with me. You're you, Bucky. You're not him."

Bucky's hand tightened on his and the man pressed himself even more tightly against Sam.

"I know I'm not him anymore. But all his memories are in my head. Those memories that have become nightmares. I can never erase them."

"Erase them, no, but you have a lot fewer nightmares now. That's already an improvement."

"You're right, rationally I know you're right. But when I have that dream, when I remember how I killed RJ*, I sometimes wish that Hydra had never woken me up. That they had left me to die when I fell off the train."

"But I, Bucky, and this is going to sound selfish or insensitive in a way, I'm glad you survived, not just your fall but everything Hydra put you through. Because I can't imagine this world without you."

Bucky rolled over in Sam's arms and their lips were almost touching.

Sam lowered Bucky's head slightly before placing a kiss on his forehead and cradling him in his arms. Tightening his arms around Sam, Bucky let himself be lulled by the steady, strong rhythm of Sam's heart against his ear. Then he whispered, "I'm glad I survived if it's to live in a world where you are."