Such a long time ago, a long time ago since I went back to this website...
...
Yet, why am I still not over you?
We tried to become friends, and yes, I did try to become one...
...
Yet, you left...
I didn't even know when you stopped being active here...
Not even a goodbye...
I know, you probably didn't said anything to me because you thought that I am inactive here since it's been a year since we've talked...
...
But, a small goodbye message wouldn't hurt, right?
I know I'm being a fucking emotional pussy and it wouldn't do jack shit good because I'm being unusual here...
...
But fucking hell! I still fucking love you...
And I can't keep this bottled up in my chest or the ending result would be my whole place would be in ruins with having bruised fists and new cuts...
I'm placing here all the things I've wanted to say to you. And this is the whole truth.
Hey, you're probably the best- wait no, YOU are the best thing that happened in my life. I know you're probably thinking that I'm lying if you're reading this now, but remember, this is the fucking truth.
I didn't told you this but thank you when you basically told your feelings that time. I liked the song and, somehow, I disagreed on some of the things you told about yourself. Everything that you told me that I needed, you needed them more:
You have been a great friend to me and you are not a horrible person. In fact, I'm thinking the exact thoughts that you are having that time; how can you be my friend when I am such a horrible person? You are not a ruined, ugly girl that you thought. You are a beautiful woman that is just bent, not broken, and can still be fixed with a few tweaks at how people treat you because you deserved to be treated better than how they treat you.
Just because you fell, doesn't mean its the end for you to stop climbing your ladder. I will stop, climb back down, and stay with you until you would decide to start climbing it again because you are not worthy of being alone and down there.
You said your ocean just stopped and you don't have anywhere else to swim. Fuck that! I will swim towards you and drag you with me at my ocean, since you told me my ocean is bigger. I don't care if you stopped swimming but I will not let go of you and I would be more than willing to swim for the both of us.
You said that you are flying yet your sky is short and you don't want me to stop flying since if I stop, I would fall and I could no longer go back to the sky. I would rather stop to be with you than fly without you.
You didn't told me I was your sunshine personally, but just knowing that you thought of me like that fills me up happily. We're thousand miles apart yet I became like that to you is a big fucking thing for me.
Whatever negative shit you think about yourself is not true because you are more than that. If you could cheer up someone like me, then fucking hell you are someone special. Because, even though I laugh with my friends, it is not enough. Yet you, you make me smile a genuine smile.
I'm sorry when we have fought. I know I did something so stupid that would hurt you more. I'm overwhelmed with hurt, anger, and sadness that you thought of us like that. I didn't even realized it until I have posted it for the world to see. I'm stupid and and I would give anything to go back there and fix my mistake because instead of doing me good, it made me worse.
You got overwhelmed with guilt and I did not meant that. For you, sorry means nothing since it didn't do you anything good but I really meant this apology.
I'm happy you have given me a chance to become someone special to you, even just for a short while. It means a whole lot for me. Even for just a while, you made me feel complete. I would always stay up late just to talk to you if we have gotten longer.
But, you moved to another school and it is a lot more pressure for you. Don't get this wrong. I know how they treated you at your old school and I am happy that you moved to a school where you are getting treated nicely. But, the downside is that you need to catch up since you told me that your school is filled with students that score A's.
Instead of sacrificing your studies, you didn't talk to me and I understand that. I asked you if we're still together and you cut it off, I still understand that. If you would ask me about it, I would say "Hey, I don't want to be some kind of distraction for you so I would rather sacrifice myself than you sacrifice the time you could have used to study just to talk to some worthless fool that I am."
You'll probably say that I am someone who is special and you're the worthless one. You are not a worthless person. You are not someone that you thought you are, which are all negative description. You are someone special. Remember that.
To be honest, I even wished that we could meet up personally and went off as good friends. But I think it wouldn't be possible for a while, seeing that here is the only connection that we have for each other and I don't know if you're gonna come back again. But, I will save up enough money to travel around the world and that is when I would start looking for you and start of as friends.
I'm using the song that you have used when you said your feelings, even though not directly, at me. I know, it's cheesy. But, it would also show you that I appreciate it when you first said those things.
Thank you for what you have made me feel. I would always be your supporter from the side, even if I'm not there personally. You will always hold a special place in my heart, remember that.
Probably I, for some people, wasted my time to make this even though I know that she might not go back here and see this. But I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe, if she ever come back, she would know there is still someone who will always be supporting her.
