Beautiful Chaos/A Jordan Knight FanFic/ Book One in the Beautiful series. ✔️

28

Dallas

THE LAST TIME I STOOD ON this porch, considering this inky sky dotted with dying stars, my mama lay inside and up those stairs drawing her final breaths. My heart was so heavy I could barely drag it up the steps to say good-bye. That night and the months that followed, I often thought my heart would never be light again.

And yet not even a year after Mama's passing, the first Christmas without her, I laughed all through dinner and couldn't stop smiling. I could lie to myself and say it was being back home, eating good food, surrounded by Aunt Ruthie, Mr. McClausky, and all the people who helped raise me, but I won't.

It's Jordan. Not just today, but all the days that have come before. All the days he's made me smile and pulled my heart out of the dark. I hate that things went so badly with his parents, but I'm glad he's here. It feels right.

"Cold?"

The deep rumble of Jordan's voice behind me dents the quiet of Christmas night.

"Li'l bit." I don't turn to see him, but I'm already smiling. "Got a coat?"

"Nope." He walks farther onto the porch bringing a smile with him. "Got an arm though."

"I'll take it."

I shift on the step to make room for his wide shoulders beside me, and notice for the first time the step doesn't move under my bottom. I wiggle again, frowning when the step doesn't wobble.

"Something going on with your hips?" Jordan laughs and settles beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"This step has wobbled for years, but—"

"I fixed it."

"Why?" I can't explain the fist tightening around my heart, but it's squeezing until I'm sure blood will leak through my dress. "Who told you to do that?"

Jordan pulls back to stare at me, his arm dropping from my shoulder. "It was dangerous." His words start out slow like he's still figuring out my crazy. "It was loose, and we had a hundred people coming up these steps for Christmas breakfast."

"Yeah, I mean ..." I run a finger over the step like I have a million times sitting here, looking up that road, waiting for Daddy to appear. "I'm sorry. Thanks."

"Did you want the step loose?"

"No, of course not. I just ... it's stupid."

"All the more reason to tell me." Jordan bumps shoulders. "Your perfection is exhausting."

God, he's great.

He's the most unexpected gift I've ever received, and he treats me better than any guy ever has. And I'm whining because he fixed a step I could have tripped and broken my neck on waiting for my daddy to come home and repair it?

"My mama would never fix that step because it was the last thing Daddy said to her. I had a dance recital. He said I'll fix that step when we get home after the recital, but he never showed up."

I palm my knees, squeezing them until I can finish.

"He never came home." A one-sided smile cracks my face. "She wouldn't touch that step for years, but would never say why. I knew though. And this is where I'd sit on birthdays and Christmas, wondering if he might show up."

My fake laugh sounds harsh even to my ears.

"The first few years, when I was still young, I'd sit right here wearing my ballet shoes so I'd be ready when he came back. Somehow, I convinced myself that if he had just seen me dance, he would have stayed."