Upon A Call To Now

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Joong

I looked at the rain splashing the windowpane of the car. My manager was driving, since there's a wrap up party and I did drink a little, as a respect to the seniors who offered them. Midway through, my mind was thinking about the impending separation with Nine, in just two weeks time. We only had this week left; as the final week, Nine would be busy with preparation and spending time with his family.

Nothing had changed. Once again, he would be there, for a start of his life to become who he is, now. And once again, it had become, the end of this second beginning. It's alright. A year spent together, basking in love, showered with kisses and missing one another, was more than enough, to surpass what little moments I had ever had, with him in my dull reality. Goodbye was never easy, but this time, my heart was full.

"Joong, we've arrived, won't you go down?", P'Ta, my manager, said with a smile. I was caught red handed, wallowing in my mushy thought, and felt a little embarrassed. I took my bag from the back seat, but then as I opened the door to go out, my steps halted, and I turned with a surprised look at P'Ta.

"This is where you wish to be, right? I've already told your aunt that you'll be here. So, enjoy your free days together. He doesn't have much time left too. His manager said, the trainees would depart earlier than expected, new rules regarding quarantine and whatsnot, so they had to change the flight date in a hurry. Nine had told me earlier, but said not to disturb your concentration on set, and thus why he didn't tell you".

"P'Ta, thank you...and maybe, this is a farewell, too", I said as I pulled and hugged P'Ta, tightly.

"Err, Joong...I know it's hard to get out of character of your movie for a while, but this is both touching and funny", P'Ta said as he stroked my back too. He rumpled my hair and then pushed me out of the car with a laugh.

My heart was thumping hard, as I knocked on his door. This was already midnight, he might be asleep. But, fortunately, I could hear movement, a thud, a supressed curse and only then, the door was opened. Nine gave me a huge smile as soon as he saw me, but then a hiccup betrayed his effort to stay composed.

"Have you been drinking?", I asked, carefully held his shoulders, as he swayed a bit while walking to the bed, and he nodded with a smile. "Just a little bit... much...!", he said as he sat down, "...meeting with my besties, went to the club to enjoy ourselves, and then might have one, or two mug of beer. My tolerance was low, sorry... I don't know, that you'll come here, and thus, saw me liked this...", his words kept going on, though I didn't insist on explanation.

"It's okay, Nine, you don't need to feel ashamed, nor guilty. I drank a little too, there's a wrap up party. And, sorry for not calling first, P'Ta actually made a surprise and drove me here. I...was not thinking straight much, and thus only realized when he asked me to go to you".

"So, you must have known, right? That, we won't have that much time, left...", he said as he cupped my face and sudden melancholy sounded from his words.

"Hmm. But, no matter how much time we have, the end would still be the same, Nine. So, we shouldn't feel sad about it...", I said as I held his wrists and smiled.

"I am prepared to let you go back to your life in the future, but then, isn't this, the start of that future, Joong? The cause for us to be separated, and gradually become...distant? Thinking about it, made me feel liked, what if this...don't need to happen?". My eyes darting, looking at the hope in his eyes, asking me to say an agreement.

"Nine...didn't you the one who said, that we couldn't rewrite a past, to make it pretty? If you purposely changed this, we still can't be too sure, of what will happen to our future. It might change a lot more than we thought...I'm sorry, but I won't let you do that", I said as I kissed both his knuckles. Nine eyes had dampened, and slowly he embraced me tight, and cried on my shoulder.

Though I didn't tease anything, Nine words caused a little laugh to escape my lips, "It's the alcohol, okay. It seemed I am an emotional drunk...", he said, while sobbing hard. I stayed quiet, and stroked his back lovingly. I understood his heavy feelings. This was how I cried too, that time when he came to convince me for a chance, and I rejected him without a care, yet became drunk at night, and cried alone liked a mess, while thinking of all the what ifs that we could be, should I choose him.

I lay down on the bed, as I pulled him too, so that he could lie on my chest, while keep stroking his back, and kissed his temple, till his sobbing quietened.

"Nine...promised me, that you'll live your life to the fullest, alright...the whole year that you'd given me, is really the greatest gift that heaven could have bestowed upon me. If I am dreaming, then I hope, I still remember everything that I have with you right here. If not; if it turned out that this is just a terminal station for my soul to visit before I go to somewhere far, then I had died, as happy man, just to be able to show, how much that I love you...".

Nine pushed himself up, and tears were again falling down his cheeks,"I hope my future self too, remember all the time that he had loved you silently, Joong, and the me now, receiving the gift that he so wanted in return. So, maybe it's too late for us in the future, but Joong, I want to tell you now; that, it is you, always is you, the one that I had loved, and love so much too, right now".

I tried to smile but my eyes were blurry. I grabbed his nape, pulled him down, and with the wetness of the flowing tears, and the surging love, we drowned ourselves in the steaming fog that was a mix of sorrow, love and also, desire. With the sweaty dampness of heat, coming from skin to skin; the breathlessness, yet breathing hard too; the discomfort of hissing pain, from swollen lips that were heavily kissed and bitten, yet also kissed and biting back too; was blinded with more intoxicating flood of senses. Everything, was in such contrast, that our mind and body, which felt divided, by both pain and pleasure; in the end, becoming mindless, free and definitely, gratifying.

With the final lost of breath, and the released of groans from both, caused by the influx of pleasure and also stinging pain; we fell down hard, kissing, crying and laughing, liked two mad men. We held each other tight, as we fell asleep, tired and sated. Tomorrow, we'd have a major headache, and a sore body, but that, would only be the proof, that we had loved, and accepted...the ending too.

As I opened my eyes, slowly blinking to the day light coming from the space in between the curtain at the windowpane, I could feel a burden on my chest, and felt liked smiling. Ah, you're still asleep...but, when I looked down, the little pony hair pin on that small head, was an indication, that this was Aria; as that pin was what I bought for her on her fifth birthday. I wanted to hold her, but my muscles, felt weakened. What is this? Am I dreaming in a dream?. The sound of the door opening, and the surprised gasp, caused me to turn my head to the side.

"Oh my god...Joong, my god...", the surprised look that Serena gave me, her voice muffled by her palm that was covering her lips, and then she rushed back, out of the door, must be to alert someone. I watched all this, and will my hand to move. As soon as that small child felt her cheek was being pinched, she fuzzily woken up, raised her head and gave me a sleepy smile.

"Daddy...", she said and kissed my nose, "thank you for listening to my wish. You need to wish me a happy birthday. Today, I am six".

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