devoted to you - dreamnotfound

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾nine☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

CLAY POV

I wake up, rubbing my eyes groggily as i take in my unfamiliar surroundings

Right, i stayed at George's last night.

But somethings missing.

George isn't in the bed?

I run a hand through my hair as i dangle my legs off of the mattress to take a look at my phone that's resting on the polished wooden bedside cabinet to see no notifications whatsoever.

I was expecting at least one message off of george to tell me where he is.

especially after our 'activities' last night

i curse at myself as i recollect what happened last night,

is he mad at me, or upset?

a groan escapes my lips as im left with no choice but to message the boy, worry taking over me.

-

clay

hey, where are u rn?

read 11:09am

-

what?

so he just.. ignores me?

a sigh escapes my lips as i bury my face into the silk white pillow

where could he be?

my thoughts are interrupted as i hear someone come into the room

"George!" i lift myself up off of the bed as i make my way over to him

my smile is quickly faltered as i take notice of the unreadable expression on the brunettes face

"a-are you okay?" i ask hesitantly as i stroke his cheek; towering over him

"we uh, need to talk about stuff" he pauses "is that alright?"

i nod with a confused expression on my face "yeah, sure. is it about-" i inhale sharply "last night?"

he gives me a reasurring smile

"just everything about-" he gestures towards the both of us "this..i dont know whats going on"

i nod understandingly

"alright, lets sit down then we can talk" i reply; leading him over to the bed

we share a moment in silence as i look over at the smaller boy who is chewing on the inside of his cheek and staring down at his hands which are rested on his lap

i stroke his knee reassuringly

"so, whats up? you can talk to me about anything"

he smiles as he looks over at me

"what are we?"

oh.

i clear my throat as i process what he said

thats a good question, what actually are me and George?

a couple?

friends with benefits?

"whatever you want us to b-"

"we dont even know eachother, clay!"

i furrow my eyebrows at the boys statement

what?

"w-what do you mean" i let out a chuckle to somewhat lighten the mood "what do you mean by that, george?"

he exhales shakily

"i mean that- i dont even know who u are" he pauses "and u dont know me. we dont know anything about eachother, at all!"

oh, right.

"and the things we did last night- thats-" he pauses "i enjoyed it and im scared because i've never- um f-felt this way about someone before."

i stare at him, thinking of what to say back.

"i-i think im in love with you, clay"

fuck.

this wasn't what was supposed to happen

he wasn't supposed to love me

he cant love me

im not worthy of love

a boy that i was unknown to and had no idea of just a month ago was not supposed to love me.

do i even like him?

or do i like the way he makes me feel?

i gulp thickly as i open my mouth to say something, but no words come out

"god dammit, say something clay!" george yells as tears are now streaming down his cheeks.

i wipe his tears away delicately with my thumb "please dont cry, sweetheart"

"d-dont fucking call me that!" he pushes my hand away as he stands up off of the bed away from me

he sniffles as i feel his eyes burning into me

"please just- give me an answer. do u love me?" he says as he stares at me with those eyes that was once a beautiful brown colour, but now they were bloodshot and puffy from all the crying.

"if you dont- ill leave- ill never-" he chokes up another sob "i'll never speak or see you again, ill be gone from ur life for good"

my heart stings from the sight of him being in so much pain, emotionally

i just wanna embrace him and cover him with kisses and tell him that i love him unconditionally.

but, im not worthy of him, hes too good for me.

i inhale shakily as i cant believe the next words that are about to leave my mouth.

"i dont." i reply sternly, holding back my own tears.

he nods as he bites down onto his bottom lip as more tears are stinging the corner of his eyes, threatning to leave.

"okay, get out of my house and d-dont bother coming back again"

i feel my heart has just been shattered into pieces.

but this is what had to be done.

i put on my converse silently as i make my way out of Georges bedroom and downstairs out the door.

as i walk further away from george's house i feel my legs go numb from underneath me and i fall down to the floor, sobbing.

i hit the pavement with my bare fists as i cry uncontrollably.

its what had to be done.

(A/N) ANGST HEHE
make sure to stay hydrated and drink plently of water, see u guys in the next chapter!! <3