HE LEFT ME!!

returning to her

Edward

"Bella..." the word rolled off my tongue, like music to my ears. My already chilled breath frosted against the glass window I was leaning on. I stared out over the wide expanse of land, wishing for nothing else but her. Her name brought pain to my heart, but I endured it. I was the one who decided to do this. I was the one who decided to keep her safe. Safe from my kind... safe from me...

"Go to her," Alice whispered from the doorway. She had made a wonderful habit of blocking her thoughts from me. So much that I barely heard her enter the room. Perhaps I didn't bother to listen to anyone anymore. There was no need for my talent when the only mind I wanted to hear was the only one I would never hear.

"I can't," I growled from my space by the window, my gaze never leaving the glass. My eyes darted to hers, staring at her through the medium of the reflection. Her face was twisted in anger and disappointment, as if her mind didn't already reveal all of that.

Edward... you're being a fool. It's been four years. At least go check on her. Maybe she's not happy. Maybe she's just as miserable as you are.

"And maybe she's moved on," I countered, finally turning to face Alice. Her reflection in the glass did her anger no justice. Her eyes were pitch black, sparkling with fury. She shook her head, stepping closer to me now that I had acknowledged her.

"I've listened to you, Edward. I haven't watched her at all in my visions," Alice began, as she always had whenever she brought up this subject, "But despite that, I don't think Bella is happy. In fact, I would put money on the fact that she is just as miserable as you are."

I glowered at her for a long moment before turning away, ignoring her reflection and staring out into the dark night ahead of me. She let out a soft hiss of frustration, growling as she walked over to my side and took a seat next to the window. I felt her eyes on me. I didn't care.

Edward! Please, just go to her. Just once. You don't even have to talk to her. Just go to Forks and see if she's all right. For goodness sake, see if she's even there anymore! What is so wrong with checking on her, Edward?

"Because I won't have the strength to come back!" I roared, my eyes lit with fury as I turned to look at her. She cringed away, although her thoughts didn't falter. I growled at her, my eyes slowly turning back to glare at the landscape, "You don't understand. I have a hard enough time staying here. If I went there... if I saw her... happy or not, I wouldn't be able to leave."

"You left once, you could do it ag-..."

"No," I cut her off quickly knowing her words before she could finish them. I shook my head slowly, keeping my attention on the window. My eyes were still too harsh to look at her. I sighed, "I'm already breaking. I know myself, Alice. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't leave again."

"What if she's dead?" Alice whispered reluctantly.

I opened my mouth, my eyes flickering to her. Did she know something I didn't? Remembering her promise, I shut my mouth again. Bella, dead? She couldn't be dead... she had promised she would stay safe for me. Bella was safe. Bella was happy. She had to be happy. "Bella's not dead."

"And if she's miserable?" Alice continued.

"She would be even more miserable if I came back," I answered, knowing that it was a pitiful response. It was completely untrue and I knew it.

"Please," Alice scoffed, "You know that's a lie. Bella would be thrilled if you came back. We would all be thrilled if you went back to her."

"It's dangerous," I used my typical counter.

"It's Bella," Alice mumbled, "You're damn lucky that she hasn't died yet. How many times did you have to save her, Edward? You think her bad luck is going to magically stop? She's going to be graceful? She's safer with us."

I shook my head slowly before leaning it against the cool glass of the window. Well, cool to a human at least. It was warm to my head. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out slowly even though I didn't need to. Alice was breaking my resolve... and with her damn psychic powers, she probably knew the outcome of this conversation.

I felt a wave of reasoning flow through the room and looked up to see Jasper standing in the doorway. I growled at his attempts, "Have you come to team up on me?"

Jasper grinned apologetically, but his answer was clear. He would do anything for Alice. Just like I would do anything for Bella. I glared at him wordlessly before turning back to the window once again.

"We're right, you know," Alice trudged on, "They all agree... even Rosalie, to some extent. You haven't been yourself, Edward. We're finally living in a house together again, but it's like you're barely here."

"I can leave again," I offered bluntly. Alice flinched and I regretted my outburst immediately, "I'm sorry."

"It's hurting Esme, Edward," Alice's voice was coming in whispers now, "It's hurting all of us. Jasper can feel your pain. It's as though you've died, Edward... Bella was your life. I know that you were her life. Her love."

"Please, Edward," Jasper continued as Alice's voice broke off. I looked up reluctantly to see the pain in my sister's eyes. Bella was her best friend. She meant very much to her. She loved her almost as much as I did. "Just go check on her. If she's miserable... well, you'll know you were wrong. You can stay with her. If she's happy... you can do what you want. We won't bring it up again."

"Fine," I growled the word before I realized it had even entered my mind. My eyes widened slightly, as did Alice's. I opened my mouth to dismiss my agreement, but found that I truly didn't want to. I wanted to see Bella again. I wanted to see her smile, even if it wasn't meant for me anymore. I wanted to see her eyes light up in joy. I wanted Bella.

"Really?" Alice squealed, jumping up to her feet. I heard Jasper chuckle softly, her emotions overwhelming him. I stared up at her bright and happy face, a crooked grin sliding across my features for the first time in years. I nodded.

"Let's get the tickets, then..." I began, standing up slowly. When I faced Alice once again, I found tickets held out in her hands. I blinked, "I guess I should have expected that of you... is that why you were blocking your thoughts?"

"I didn't know if it would work if you could hear everything that was going to happen," Alice explained with a smile as her thoughts came flooding back to me. I took my ticket from her, reading the information. We would be in Forks in less then eight hours.

"Of course it would," I muttered, shifting through the rest of the tickets. It seemed as though everyone was coming. Apparently everyone was betting on Bella being miserable. If she was, I would stay... even if she was happy, I don't think I could leave. "You know my only weakness is Bella."

"Try telling that to her," Jasper smirked as he smacked me on the back, walking out of the room. I stared back at his retreating form with a frown. I knew he meant no harm in what he said, but the regret I felt at leaving Bella was enough to crush the town.

"Cheer up!" Jasper groaned from the hall.

"You should listen to him, Edward," Alice chirped from my side, dancing to the door to follow after Jasper. She smiled at me from the doorway, "Bella is going to be so happy to see you, I just know it!"

"You know it? Or you know it, know it?" I asked, the crooked grin replacing my frown.

"Edward, that sounded like high school!" Alice laughed. Her expression then turned serious, "I haven't lied to you. I haven't watched Bella since we left. I don't know, know..." she grinned at that, "...if she'll be happy to see you. But believe me, if I know Bella... she'll be happy to see you."

"I hope so," I whispered after Alice had left the room. I know she heard it, but she didn't answer. I turned to my room and began to pack the belongings I would want to have immediately if we chose to stay. I would be seeing Bella in a little less then eight hours.

In eight hours, I would be happy again.