Poly dream team

I'm done (angst)

can I put my problems in fanfics yes is this better than therapy also yes This is a vent fic if ur gonna ask no I am not okay

TW MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT 

(Sapnap POV)

I watched my two boyfriends stream together and started feeling sad that they didn't want me in the stream, but I tried to push it away, but the thoughts kept coming back like how they hated me and don't love me as much as each other. I called them ''Sapnaps calling me should I answer chat no okay'' Dream said and George just laughed at it and I started to feel more alone and tears were falling from my face and the urges became so hard to resist. I finally decided to search for my knife (if ur gonna ask yes I use a knife, not a razor blade) and I find it in the drawer (btw they live together in this fic) next to our bed and I look at the scars on my arm that were finally healed after months and I ask myself if I really want to do this. I give in and start making cuts not too deep but still that it bleeds and hurts. After I make 8 cuts on both my arms I turn to my phone and see 3 missed calls and the whole chat spamming if I'm okay. Then I hear footsteps and I quickly rush into the bathroom to hide from whoever was coming. '' Are you okay sapnap you didn't answer my calls'' I hear dream ask '' Oh sorry, I don't have my phone on me sorry but yea I just had to take a shit'' I say faking a laugh and Dream laughs with me ''Okay have a nice shit bye'' I sigh as I hear Dream walk back to his gaming room and I take a look into the mirror I see my arms full with blood and my face stained with tears (quick question why are so many people depressed) and look at my shirt also stained with blood. I start to look through the cabinets to find bandages for my cuts and I find them very quickly and put them on. I walk into our bedroom and put on a new hoodie and throw the other one into the washing machine.  I grab my phone and call Dream back and chat with them for a bit but I start feeling a bit left out ''I have to go do some school work for class tomorrow I will see you guys later bye'' I quickly say and hang up. I see their face but they decide to just continue and I close the stream. I close my eyes and hear the voices in my head scream and shout things as ''nobody likes you'' ''they hate you'' ''you should just kys'' ''they stay with you because they want to use u'' ''f*ggot''(btw I'm gay so I can use it) ''fat'' ''dumb'' they kept coming (AHAHAHHAHAHA LMAO SORRY) and going away like nothing, but what I didn't notice was that I was crying again ''what a crybaby'' I think to myself as I go downstairs to make dinner because Dream and George are always exhausted after streaming.

I start making pasta (why do I wanna eat pasta now it's 3 am) when I hear footsteps and I turn around to see Dream and George hugging on the couch, I sigh and go back to making dinner. After 15 minutes dinner is done and I put the food on the dinner table only to see them both watching a movie and cuddling. "Here is dinner hope u enjoy it'' I say as I hand them their dinner and walk back to the diner table to eat by myself. I didn't take one full bite but I just decided I wasn't hungry anymore and I went upstairs and heard my boyfriends laugh at something in the movie they were watching. I decided I was overthinking and needed some fresh air.'' A walk to the beach sounds good'' I say to myself and I grab my shoes and go downstairs and I walk to the door as soon as I can ''I am going for a walk I will be back soon'' I yell as I close the door and start walking to the beach which is about 6 minutes away.  As I arrive at the beach I see a cliff and I start to get more excited to jump off it. One thing I didn't know is that my boyfriends were following me. As I walk to the edge I start to tear up as I think of the memories with Dream and George. I start getting closer to the edge and unnoticed I am standing on the edge. I snap out of my thoughts as I get thrown to the ground and I see Dream and George with tears in their eyes and they hud me even closer ''Please don't leave us sapnap'' George screams at me. I turn to Dream and he picks me up and walks in the direction of our house. I quietly sob into his chest and he holds me tighter. I hear a door open and I guess we're home. Dream walks up the stairs and lays me in bed and George lays next to me and hugs me tight and I start crying harder than I already was and I soon pass out from exhaustion. While I was asleep Dream and George wanted to be nice and change my clothes(perv- okay I will stop) and they see my self harm and change my bandages and give me one of George's hoodie (Sapnap be small) and lay with me and soon their both asleep.

Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you enjoyed and remember to eat and hydrate. This is my first angst chapter was it good I'm always down for feedback =] HAve a nice day, people