curious

my girl*[ER]

if you haven't read er, i suggest you read it first 🙃

billies pov

i close the the front door, the soft sound still managing to echo through the house. throwing my backpack on the floor next to the door, i shove my fingers through my blonde hair in frustration.

finneas had decided to yell at me for not mowing my yard every week. idiot.

why can't i just pay someone to do it for me?

"grow up, billie."

i don't see the problem.

i sigh softly and shake my head slightly, making my way into the bedroom. after hearing some idiot on the street yell at me about needing jesus, and hearing people ask me about gwen twenty-four hours of the day, i just need to relax.

i pull my hoodie over my head and toss it on her side of the bed - where i've created a mass of clothes and pillows, so i wouldn't feel alone at night. i always hated sleeping alone.

"alexa, play gwen's playlist," i tell the tiny woman trapped in a box on my desk.

my girl by the temptations began playing softly through the speakers, causing a flash of yellow to appear behind my eyelids. a soft smile tugs at my lips as i start singing softly, remembering the times i'd heard gwen sing it in the shower.

"i've got sunshine on a cloudy day," i sing, tugging my tshirt over my head as i make my way into the bathroom.

i hum along to the song as i toss my tshirt into the laundry bin and lean over the bathtub and turn the faucet on, adjusting the temperature before stopping the drain. i stand up and push my basketball shorts down my legs, tossing them into the laundry bin as well, my bra and underwear soon following.

i grab a bath bomb from the many gwendolyn hid under the sink, and dropping it into the water. almost immediately, the ball began to fizz and the water turned purple, the smell of lavender flooding my senses.

i tie my hair up in a bun and step into the tub, sitting down and getting settled, the warmth of the water almost feeling like a hug.

"talkin' 'bout my girl," i sing softly, resting my head on the little bath pillow thing gwen had attached to the wall.

even after she's gone, everything reminds me of her.

it's been eight months. i've memorized every word of every video diary she made me, and yet i still use it to fall asleep. her phone is out of service, but i still call in hopes she'll pick up.

i have my good and bad days, as anyone would.

today, however, all i could think about was that one time in the back of leighann, gwens blue chevy camaro. one of the last times, in particular - she'd asked me to choke her and she'd called me daddy.

i don't even think she knew what she was doing to me.

maybe she did; maybe that's why she did it.

she was smart - she knew how to push my buttons before we even started dating.

my girl fades out, and the beginning cords of sex by the 1975 begins.

"and this is how it starts," matt healy sings, and i hum along to the tune.

i close my eyes and listen to the lyrics, letting the memories play in my head like a movie.

flashback

"you have no idea how much i love you, o'connell." gwen tells me, a wide smile on her face as she squishes my cheeks in her hands, her legs on either side of my waist on the sofa in the living room.

"i have an idea," i tell her, brushing a stray hair behind her ear.

"i think i love this song more though," she admits, a slight shrug to her shoulders as a giggle leaves her lips.

i gasp and looked up at her, squeezing her thighs in mock offense. "how rude."

"there's only minutes before i drop you off," she sings quietly, her arms moving to hang loosely around my neck. "and all we seem to do is talk about sex."

"she's got a boyfriend anyway," i sing back to her, my fingers drawing random shapes into the smooth skin of her thigh.

her fingers move smoothly through my hair, her green eyes staring into my blue ones. "she's got a boyfriend anyway."

i lift my head up slightly to catch her lips with my own in a gentle and loving kiss. it wasn't long - seconds - before gwen had pushed me onto my back, tugging my underwear down my legs.

she pulled away from the kiss briefly, only long enough to pull my tshirt off of her body, before immediately reconnecting our lips. she'd positioned herself above me, so she was straddling my thigh, her knee between my own legs.

as we kiss, i can feel her body slowly begin to grind onto my thigh, a shaky breath leaving her lips. my hands grip onto her ass, pressing her body harder into my own, causing her knee to put pressure on my center.

a low groan leaves my throat as her teeth catch my bottom lip, her hands tugging at my hair playfully.

she pulls away from the kiss, just to brush her lips against mine as she whispers along to the song. "i'm not trying to stop you love," she presses her knee harder against my center, causing my breath to hitch. "but if we're gonna do anything, we might as well just fuck."

with that, she presses her lips to my nose, then a peck to my lips. from there, she leaves slow, open mouthed kisses down my neck.

hello i know this is long awaited but half way through i lost inspiration so here's this 🙃

i love y'all. thank you for being patient.