The Final Goodbye-a ladynoir fanfiction

Chapter Three

"Be together?" I felt myself cock my eyebrow up and I looked at her with my best smirk, mustering up my inner Chat Noir. In that moment, I felt more like my alter ego than myself, and I knew I had succeeded when she playfully hit my arm with a balled fist. My heart ached in my chest as I watched her, studying the way her hair looked in the night and the gleam of the moonlight reflected in her eyes. She was so beautiful, and I couldn't believe how stupid I had been to ignore her all this time. I thought about brushing a piece of her hair back behind her ear just for the excuse to touch her face again, but I didn't.

I should have.

She was rambling when I escaped from my thoughts, "You know... Maybe we could get a place together. You're still a model... And... you must have some..." I smiled very slightly at her, even though I knew that I couldn't stay. Despite having Ladybug to talk to for the past month, being in Paris had become increasingly difficult.

I didn't feel like myself at all, like I had been walking around with this bubble around me and everything felt really far away and hard to understand. My friends had sent me letters and video recordings, but it all felt like it wasn't real. I felt bad that I had not responded to any of it, but I hoped they would forgive me for being distant eventually.

My parents were both gone forever, and one of them I had been fighting against for the past four years and had not even known it. It felt like my heart would never recover, I would go on feeling like this forever. Because of that fact, I did not want to drag Marinette down with me. She deserved someone who was happy and alive and always able to be there for her. I knew that couldn't be me, not now, not like this.

Not when I felt like I was suffocating all the time. The only peace I had felt was when I was with Ladybug as Chat Noir, but those moments were fleeting.

When she stood up and turned away from me, my chest ached so bad, that I knew I would never be able to walk away if she turned back around to face me. "Goodbye, Bugaboo." I whispered, the words making my chest tighten and my face scrunch up as I tried to hold back tears. Neither of the kwamis could see me, and Marinette was still facing away from me, so I quietly stood up. I couldn't hear what she was talking about as I took one final look at her back before quickly slipping through the door that would lead to the stairs.

I stood on the other side of the door for a long moment, tears running down my cheeks, but I could not go back. If I went back, my own selfishness would never allow me to leave. So, I started running, practically gliding down the stairs. Nothing about this felt like the right thing to do, but I didn't know how I could stay in Paris any longer. I could always visit. Surely Marinette would not hate me forever... Well at least I hoped she would not hate me forever.

I would hate myself forever if I stayed and brought her into my dark storm cloud of an existence. Everyone I had loved dearly was gone, and I worried that it might happen to her. She was too good, too pure for me and for my bad luck that followed me everywhere.

When I reached the bottom, I burst out the door to the street, and took off, trying to blend slightly into the crowd, so she would not be able to follow me. Luckily, it was dark and the darkness was able to hide me as I hurried back to the place I could no longer call my home. My bodyguard was waiting outside the gate with the car just inside. When he saw me, he nodded and looked away, and then went inside to start the car. We had already prepared everything we would need for the move, so there was nothing left to do other than take a night train to London.

I hated that I had to travel at night, but the news and everyone would be all over me if they saw me in the day. The attention was something I could not deal with right now.

When I climbed into the backseat of the car, I pulled out my phone and saw several worried texts from Marinette. Mostly her asking where I had gone and begging me to stay. I read the texts, turned my phone all the way off and then slid it back into my pocket without answering. I would answer when I was in London, when there was nothing she could say to change my mind.

Tears ran down my cheeks as I rested my head against the car's window and watched the city slip past outside the window as we drove towards the station. I could see him looking at me every so often in the mirror, but I did my best to ignore him. My whole body was numb as I got closer and closer to leaving behind my whole world.

My whole world being just one girl.

But I needed space, from Paris, to heal.

When the car pulled up in front of the station, there was barely anyone outside just a few late-night stragglers, no one seemed to notice us as the two of us climb out of the car. I stoodd on the sidewalk, facing away from the station, taking in what little of the city I can still see.

The gorilla started to grab my bags from the car, lining them up on the ground. Most of our things were being shipped to my Aunt Amelie's house, so there were only two bags riding on the train with me. I walked over to him and reached down to pick up my bags, which earned me a look from the gorilla that I ignored.

"I'll head up to grab my tickets." I said softly, not wanting to be reliant on my bodyguard for everything. The gorilla insisted on continuing to work for me, and I allowed it because he had become the only family I had left. But when I tried to pay him, he refused the money, insisting that I was the only family he had left too.

I linger a second longer, and then carry my bags up to the ticket booth, taking my physical ticket and reading it absently. "Paris to London" was stamped on it and it seemed to finally sink in that I was actually moving out of Paris.

I jumped a little as the gorilla suddenly appeared in front of me, looking at me expectantly.

"I got my ticket, and I think I know where the platform is that I need to go to. Don't worry about me, you have a long drive."

He was going to be driving the car to London through the night, so I was going to be on the train by myself. It was the first time in my whole life that I was traveling completely alone, and I could feel how anxious the gorilla was at the thought. The freedom somehow felt more restricting than my old life because I had to make all of the decisions for myself. For a moment, I wondered what father would think of this. The thought made me physically cringe as I pressed a hand to my chest trying to ease the pain that never went away.

He watched me wordlessly, and then stepped forward, wrapping his thick trunk-like arms around me for a tight suffocating hug. I leaned against him, unable to really hug him back because of the bag I still held in either hand. He stepped back and with a nod, turned back towards the car and began walking away.

Despite myself, I felt tears filling my eyes, my heart warmed by the affection. It felt for a brief moment that everything might actually be okay. I glanced out at the city once more and could have sworn that I saw a bright flash of red streaking across a distant rooftop. The sight almost made my resolve shatter, but I forced myself to turn and walk into the station in search of my platform.

Either no one recognized me, or no one dared approach me because there was not even a single phone pointed in my direction. I waited patiently on the platform, placing my bags down at my sides, trying not to cry but that was proving to be difficult.

When the train arrived, I quickly boarded and found my seat, sitting down and looking out the window. There wasn't much to look at outside, but it wasn't like the inside of the train was all that interesting either. My thoughts drifted to the first time I was on a train with Marinette, when her head dropped onto my shoulder as she slept. I closed my eyes to try and remember it better, and I swear I could almost feel her head on my shoulder. I almost got off the train just thinking about it, but I knew as happy as she made me, it didn't put a dent into the shadowy darkness that being in Paris brought me.

Hopefully being in London would help me forget about all of the darkness in my life.

Edited: 10/19/2021