Waste It On Me

1

You say love is messed up
You say that it don't work
You don't wanna try, no, no

She's been crying since sundown, crying because this is the third time she's been cheated on, and the fifth time she's been told she wasn't enough for each of those previous boyfriends. He's seen her suffer so much, he's seen her go through so many things she didn't deserve. And yet, even he seems to have abandoned her. He didn't call her this time like he had all those times before, whenever something had happened. But she knows why.

They had gotten into an argument recently, over how she needs to stop letting herself get broken like this. But she couldn't help it, how could she? She'd always tried her best to be what she could, do whatever she could for each of those previous boyfriends. She was just never enough or always too much, they always left her telling her that she was too this or too that. Maybe this had even extended to her friends, to her best friend. Maybe he was tired of her crying and her constantly calling him, maybe he was tired of hearing her voice and being near her, maybe he was tired of her, just her.

The thought doesn't let her sleep that night.

And baby, I'm no stranger

To heartbreak and the pain, of

Always being let go

She won't look at him, and it stings. She won't look at him, and it makes his chest ache. Maybe he shouldn't have shouted at her like that, maybe he shouldn't have left her alone for a week and a half. Maybe he should have apologized. But how can he, now that he's ruined things like this? How can he, now that he's told her that she's just being so blind and not realizing that she wasn't the only one in all those relationships, that she needs to get her shit together, that she's nothing but a heart attack waiting to happen, now that he realizes that she could take his words so many ways, even shape them into her worst fear of being left behind?

He hates how familiar she is with this feeling now, after her parents split up and then forced her to move out after she was old enough, after her brother had died, after all the times her former friends had used her for popularity or to feel better about themselves, after all the times she had been left in pieces. She's gotten her under-graduate degree and is now working on her graduate, but now what? What does she do with herself? She used to spend a lot of time with him, but she's just suddenly gone. He doesn't like it when she turns her back on him and walks away, as if he didn't exist.

But maybe he should have thought more about how deep down this hole she's fallen instead of only about how hollow he's felt, watching her suffer, letting her slip from his fingertips into the arms of yet another man he knows will only break her heart all over again.

And I know there's no making this right, this right

And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind

She sits in her room, the knife on her desk with her lip bitten between her teeth, wincing as she rinses off the cut. How many times has she done this to herself? How many times has she been able to barely stop herself from dying by her own hands? How many times has she realized it was just stupid and things would be easier for everyone else if she didn't die? How many times has she realized trying to find love again would only hurt her again, only to find herself kissing someone else? Without her best friend, she is all alone. She's stopped talking to others in classes, she's stopped interacting, she's stopped opening up as easily.