𝔹𝕖𝕖𝔾𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕩 𝔽!ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟜: ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘

I need him to remember.

⚠️Swearing, unintentional guilt tripping, mentions of death, self-deprication

"Roy. Please," I plead with him, grabbing his shoulders and looking at him in the eyes. He seemed to shift uncomfortably because of this. Perhaps he doesn't like being touched? Well that doesn't-- "Please don't call me that," he states, maintaining eye contact for once.

I furrow my brows. "And why shouldn't I? That's your name, after all."

"It's what I was called when I was alive. Please...just call me Toby. O-or not, that's...that's fine, I guess. Sorry for wasting your time..." he mumbles, loud enough for me to hear. Sigh. "Stop with the moping, you bitch. Your name is not the topic right now. And you know what? I'm calling you Roy, anyways. You need to remember your past and stop avoiding it," I state firmly. There's a part of me that felt bad for my harsh words but I pushed that side away. Now's not the time for weakness, hostility is important and--

He starts crying harder, staying silent but curling up into a ball, still floating in the air. "I'm-I'm so sorry, I-I really ca...n't remember you, o-or other people. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he sobs quietly. Well shit. Now I just feel bad.

...

"Hey...Can you at least tell me what you can remember?" I sigh, taking a seat on the ground, careful not to knock the books down. He wipes away tears, which did absolutely nothing since they still kept flowing. He turns to look at me, studying my posture and overall vibe in case he made me mad. Once he saw the gentle look on my face and the lazy slouch in my posture, he knew I was calm and finally floated down to the ground to join me.

"Well, I remember a lot of things. Is there anything you wanna know, miss?" Toby asks with a child-like demeanor once again. He seems to be full of innocence, almost like he is a child. I guess that's what happens when you die and come back as a (sort of) different person. "Yeah. Are you sure you don't recall anything about a woman named Y/N?" I ask, leaning in closer. He puts a thumb up to his lip and furrows his brow, looking at nothing in particular.

He's trying really hard to remember, I can tell. I appreciate him taking this seriously, at least.

"Oh my slime!!" he exclaims after a minute of thinking, catching me off-guard. "I remember her!"

This caused my surprise to morph into excitement. "Really? Tell me everything you can think of about her!!" I say, matching his hyper mood. I'm pretending Y/N is someone else for a moment, just so he's more honest with me. He's always been pretty secretive and wouldn't tell things to people's faces, as much as he wanted to. Comes with anxiety, I guess.

"Well...I remember her having a sense of humor, and a sharp personality to match. I'd always beat her in fights, but I've never had someone match me in power like Y/N did. I remember how much I admired her for it. She'd always find ways to slip me up or confuse me on purpose, she was very clever...Along with brains, Y/N definitely had the beauty. I remember...she had big, beautiful eyes that always seemed to shine. She had a great physique and always worked out, though sometimes too much. I remember I had to stop her one time cause she was working out nonstop. I remember her mesmerizing smile and how no matter what mood I was in, it'd cheer me up instantly. I remember her silky y/s/c skin, how soft she felt when I held her hand...

"I also remember the little things she'd do that absolutely killed me. Like playing with my hair or playfully sticking her tongue out at me. We'd always hang out and somehow, every time she found a way to melt me. She was amazing. I don't know what kind of relationship we had, but I don't really care. Judging from my memories, as long as I was with her, I was happy," he finishes off, looking at me to see my reaction.

Unfortunately, I'm as red as a beet. He must have noticed since he asks, "Are you okay, darling?"

DARLING?? WHAT. THAT'S WHAT HE CALLED ME BEFORE BUT FOR SOME REASON, IT BE HITTING DIFFERENT NOW I--

"Toby...Y/N is me..." I state softly, unable to look up from the ground in embarrassment.

"Ah...

How disappointing."

Wait...what? What does he mean by that?

I uncontrollably start to tear up. I don't know why, but those two words stung a lot. "WAIT NO THAT SOUNDED REALLY AWFUL," he panics. I look up at him and he...hugs me? "I MEANT I WAS DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF, I'M SO SORRY Y/N, YOU'RE AMAZING!!" Oh phew.

Wait.

Phew?

Why am I relieved? He's just a friend, after all.

"It's fine, don't worry. But why are you disappointed with yourself?" I ask, hesitantly hugging back. I knew I could touch him but I had no idea he could touch me. He feels cold and yet...familiar and warm. "For...uhm...saying all those embarrassing things..." he says, growing quieter. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, which is the cutest fucking thing, Imma be real. "No don't worry. I'm just happy you remember me. Why'd I have to say my name before it rung a bell, though?" "I...don't know. I still couldn't remember exactly what you looked like, though. But I'm glad you're Y/N," he states, pulling away from the hug (to my secret dismay). "Since you could help me remember. From what I could think of, it seems I was the closest to you out of everyone else."

"Ah. That makes sense. But first, before I help you, we need to get those books back to their original owners," I state, standing up and gesturing towards the stacks. "Why'd you even grab so many, anyways?"

"They seemed to have information that would help me get my memories back. I'm sorry for taking them, I didn't mean to upset anyone," he answers honestly, playing with the end of his scarf nervously. "I mean it's not like I'm mad. I mean...I WAS mad, but I'm a lot calmer now, so don't worry. I would like to have my diary back, though," I shrug. He looks up and sighs, seemingly relieved. He finally stands up, floating an inch or two above the ground.

"Of course. Tell me what it looks like and I'll give it to you!" Toby states, giving me a huge smile. He still exuded a nervous aura but he is a ghost, after all. I describe it to him and he picks it out fairly quickly from his stacks. "Thanks," I say, taking the book from him when he handed it to me. "By the way, I know you're...like...dead and all, but why are you covered in dirt?"

"To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. Life in between my death and now is completely a blur. All I remember is being extremely cold and lonely. It's not like I rose from my grave like a zombie so I have no idea why I have dirt all over me," he answers, just as confused as me.

"Wait wait wait. What do you mean by cold and lonely? And you said something about the 'in between?'" I question the man, grabbing a few books. But he just made them all float, probably to prevent me from straining myself. It's pretty cool seeing so many books float. They look like lanterns, very snazzy. "Ah. You know how some people believe there's something or nothing after death? Well for me, it was both. It was something, but it was just me. And a vast void of nothingness. I hated it. No one was with me. It felt like centuries there. It was also really cold, and from what I can remember, I didn't have all this warm clothing at the time. Because of that void, or what I call 'my personal hell', I'm always cold and always crying. Death is terrible," Toby states, giving me a small smile.

We start to walk, with him following me. "I...I'm so sorry," I apologize, unsure of what exactly to say. I've never had to deal with this scenario before, I'm definitely not prepared. "It's fine. I asked for it. And it's not like I didn't deserve it. Other than what you made me remember, I can only remember bad things. And it seems like I was an awful person," he chuckles. It was one of those really sad half-laughs people give when they try to act strong when they're clearly in pain.

I can't imagine how terrible it must be to not remember the good things in life. Just the same painful memories playing on repeat in your head. That's what it's like with me when it came to Roy's death, but for there to be several other memories with it? Ouch dude.

Now it makes sense that he never stops crying.

Word count: 1525 :)