Brown Eyes and Long Sleeves *Dan Howell Fan Fiction*

Brown Eyes and Long Sleeves

Dan’s POV

*TRIGGER WARNING*

           I can’t seem to wrap my mind around what I walked into earlier. Instead of me and Layla cuddling on the couch watching Death Note I am in an A&E on the edge of my chair with tears falling down my face waiting to see if she made it.

          I mean why did she do it? Why did she take a razor blade across her perfectly good clear wrist? And not to mention taking a handful of pills. She was happy, or she put it out to me and Phil that she was. I fucking love her; I wanted her to fall asleep with me, with her bright blue hair in my face while I kiss her neck. Not me holding her in the bathroom screaming at Phil while she was dying in my arms.

          “Layla Gold?” A doctor said. Phil and I shot straight up, running to where the doctor was.

          “We have stabilized her but she is not good. She hit some major veins in her arms and took a lot of pills. I would clearly say that this was a suicide attempt. She is asleep in her room if you wish to see her.” The doctor said. Phil was holding my shoulder while he was saying all of this, trying to keep me from ripping someone’s head off. After he left I cried. I cried into Phil’s shoulder while he rubbed my back. Even though we are best friends we are nothing more.

          We walk into her room and the first thing I see is her blue hair. It was pulled into a high ponytail, with the ends still stained red. I went to the other side of the bed and started holding her hand. Phil went back to the waiting room while I had some alone time with her.

          “Why Layla? Why did you do this to yourself? You could have talked to me or Phil or your friends. You weren’t alone, you had us. I don’t want to lose you, I fucking love the hell out of you, and I can’t afford to lose you. If I do I won’t be the same, I would be just like I was in 2009 before I met you.” I said. I squeezed her hand, trying to feel something. I brought her wrist and started kissing it.

          “Darling you’ll be okay.” I whispered. I wiped away a stray tear that fell from my eyes. Her face was pale, as white as snow while he had a bunch of tubes stuck down her throat, also the arm not bandaged was full of IV’s and stuff like that. Her eyes were shut tight, not letting me see her beautiful brown orbs.

          Phil came into the room with two coffees in his hand; I took one of them and sipped the tears of heaven themselves.

          “How is she?” Phil asked, after setting down his coffee on the table next to her bed.

          “I don’t know Phil, she seems so dead like, I mean she is paler than you and you are fucking pale.” I said. He playfully punched my arm, with a small smile across his face. I felt Layla move her arm a little. I looked down at her and her eyes were opening up slowly.

          “You’re waking up.” I said softly. She looked around then looked down at her arm. She started crying softly then harder and harder.

I sat right next to her on the small bed holding her fragile body, while she sobbed into my shoulder.

          “You’re here with me Layla, I’m here and I will never leave you. You’re safe. Nothing will hurt you.” I said softly into her ear. After a while she started calming down, and then before I knew it she was fast asleep.

          “What the hell are we going to do Phil? I mean how are we gonna change to keep Layla in our lives?” I ask. He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I gave out a soft sigh, then layed my head on the headboard behind us. I felt my eyes slowly shut, falling into unconsciousness.

          Beeping is what woke me up the next morning. Not the steady beat of Layla’s heart but the fast and quick beating of her heart. I was shoved off the bed by doctors and nurses while they surrounded her body like moths around a light. I walked into the waiting room to see Phil pacing the room, with his hand behind his neck looking up into the light.

          “What’s happening Phil?” I asked in a small voice, sounding like a 5 year old.

          “I have no clue what is happening in that room right now. I was in the chair next to the bed on Tumblr when I heard her heart monitor start going off. Her heartbeat was dropping and everything. I ran into the hall way screaming for help. That is when I walked back into here, waiting for you to get up.” Phil said. His eyes were starting to become shinny and his face was all red. I walked over to him and engulfed him into a hug.

          “It’s gonna be alright. She is gonna make it.” Phil whispered in my ear while we both sobbed into each other’s shoulders.

          “Dan Howell?” I heard. I looked up from Phil and saw a doctor. I walked over to him and he gave me a sad look.

          “I’m sorry son…” He said. I fell to the ground, feeling my whole world crumble down onto me, chocking me, suffocating me.

          “She was everything to me. She was my world. I loved her, I loved her soo much. But she had to get taken away from me. God you vulture, bring her back or take me with her.” I said. Tears falling down my face like a flood. I started shaking uncontrollably, feeling my senses start to shut down.

          “She’s mine. You stay away from her it’s not her time. It’s not real Dan, It’s not real. It’s just a dream. It’s just a fucking dream.” I said. My voice starting to fade away.

          I wake up, in a pool of my own sweat. I look over to find that I’m back in my own apartment. With Phil on the other couch. I got up and walked to the bathroom. No blood, nothing was on the floor. Just Layla’s old clothes that she was wearing earlier that day. I walked back into my room to see her on my bed, in my old Manchester sweatshirt, hogging most of the bed. Her blue hair all over the place and the blankets on the floor. I changed into my black track pants and a plain black tee shirt and got onto the bed. Once I layed my head on the pillow Layla cuddled next to me, using my chest as her pillow.

          “I love you so much Layla.” I whispered into her ear.

          “I love you more Daniel.” She said, opening her brown eyes, to then kiss me. I kissed back then layed back down. Her head found a place in the crock of my neck and she fell sound asleep. Well for me I fell asleep to the sound of her heart beating and her soft breathing, thankful that it was all a dream.