Becoming happy

Guns

"Cassie ?! Put the gun down now. I mean it Cassie , right fucking now. I'm not going to loose another person."

I slowly turned around tears dripping down my face . My teeth were clenched together and my nostrils flared.

"Don't come any closer or I'll shoot" I said as her perfect face inched towards me. She opened her mouth to speak , but just ended up looking like a fish out of water ,opening then closing.

" Are you serious right now? You don't even care about your own fucking daughter. Dammit mom you are fucking selfish, I want to leave here- JUST LET ME THIS ONCE DO WHAT I WANT. I can do whatever the hell I want , and I will kill my fucking self if I want to. You won't miss me anyways , so who the fuck cares right ?"

My hands trembled but I managed to push the gown closer to my head , touching my scalp. I clenched and Un-clenched my jaw , straining myself from talking anymore.

"Cassie, honey ,you are the selfish one right now. You pushed everyone away and tore me to pieces as I watched you slice your beautiful golden skin. God dammit Cassie , can't you see you have me? That I care for you? That you aren't the only one hurting in this household? Honey , put the gun down. P-please . I love and care about you , I'm trying."

Lies after lies spit from her mouth. Her voice thick with emotion didn't make me flinch one bit.

"Mom. If you saw their fucking body's and lifeless faces you would want to die too. So don't think for one second I am not hurting either. You think I don't see you drink every night? You think I don't hear you cry yourself to sleep every night? You think I don't cry myself to sleep every night ? Well you guessed fucking wrong, mom .My life isn't fucking enjoyable right now mom."

" Cassie. Please don't do this. I already called the police , they are coming. I want to stop this, I just want to help you and comfort you. I love you honey , please don't leave m-me. "
She covered her face and sunk down to the floor , bawling as she did so.

"To fucking late mom."

It felt weird having the "mom" word roll off my tongue .Feels like I haven't had a mother in forever.

I heard footsteps inching closer to me , but didn't want to get caught up in more lies.

I chocked back a sob and backed up , closer to my pals walls. I closed my eyes and was about to whisper my goodbye prayer when a strong pair of hands grabbed my cold and weak ones and pushed me against the wall. I dropped the gun in the process , in which pissed me off.

My mother's sobs wracked through the old room.

"You will regret it. I promise you will fucking regret it."

My damp, dark blue , lifeless eyes fluttered open to meet big and alarmed grey ones. They were strangers eyes , per usual.

I gritted my teeth and started to fight back. I punched him and dove for the fucking gun. I didn't want to fucking live anymore. Didn't they get that I wasn't happy ?

The mysterious boy tackled me, pinning me down in the process .

"You will regret this. Don't do this. God didn't die for you to throw away your life like it was some piece of trash."

I squirmed in his arms , Screaming bloody-fucking-murder.

" You're not a fucking preacher , are you ? Didn't think so . " I surprised myself with how much anger showed in my words.

I took a deep breath, a burst of a million different emotions spilling into sentences that rolled off my tongue.

"I DONT WANT TO BE HERE. I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM THIS - THIS MAD WORLD. MY LIFE IS FUCKED UP , I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE . I FUCKING HATE IT HERE. Do you -"

A huge ball felt like it was caught in my throat.I couldn't speak , I was choking on air.

I sobbed and tried to squirm out of his death-hold , again and again. I just wanted to go see my brother again. I just wanted to see my dad again.

" I just want to see them. Please let me do this.
"I am so unhappy here , just please."

The mysterious boy shook his head, a sad smile playing on his lips.

As I study his features he talks softly but I tune him out. His tone skin color made goosebumps appear across my arms. His defined jawline and high cheekbones made me want to plain out attack the gorgeous boy in front of me.

He loosened his grip and I took it as the perfect escape time. I flipped him over - in which took him completely by suprise.I kneed him in the crotch, jumped over my mom, and then fled towards the grand ocean.

Pathetic, I know.

As soon as I was fleeing sirens flashed through my life eyes vision.

I ran like the athletic, happy girl I used to be.
I ran , scared shitless of what may be following me. I ran away from my troubles and nightmares.

Holy fuck , what just happened ?

I ran and ran and ran ;Miles from home on the hard, never-ending sand.

My legs were giving up and my eyes were still leaking out the never-ending river . I was coughing and over-thinking.

I tripped and fell face first in the sand. I coughed up mucus and a little bit of blood from my raw throat. My throat was craving water and my eyes were burning like hell.

I looked down at the dirty navy dress and bit the inside of my cheek , chenching my eyes as I do so. I screamed and punched the ground.

Why me ? Why couldn't I just fucking go ?

I bet I looked like a fucking mess , crying on the sand. I honestly didn't give one fuck.

I hate this god-forsaken place so much. Why the hell did they have to make my life a fucking hell-house ? Huh ? Why do I have to be the one who is broken ?

I pulled at my hair , screaming bloody murder as I do so.My heart was pounding , about to jump out of my chest. My hands beat against my skull.

I am a broken mother fucker. Fuck this sucky ass world and life.

Fuck.

How in the world am I supposed to go back to the house after that outburst I just had ? The police will be looking for me too , and that sucks even more ,because they will find me. I am soon going to have to go back to my already broken, if not shattered, house. My fake life that isn't even worth making myself wake up to every day.

I stuck my fingers in the far back in my throat and made myself throw up. It made me sick seeing blood and my left over breakfast everywhere. I kept trying to puke but nothing was left in my small stomach.

I turned around and tried to best to stand up, but fell over on the damp sand as I did so.

I am so fucking weak. Get up Cassie, now.

I got up but struggled to keep myself standing. I collapsed once again and just decided to give up , per usual.

It was a mesmerizing Sunday night. The sky was full of different stories that connect with one another. The moon was brighter than ever tonight. It reflected off of the navy blue waters. The ocean waves crashed against one another and I hummed along to ," Bloodstream ", by Ed Sheeran.

Tears were still leaking down my toned face and I let them. I didn't try to stop them. I didn't try to stop my hands from shaking uncontrollably. I didn't try to stop my mind from over-thinking this whole night.

One thing I did try to stop myself from doing is running into the water.

I didn't try hard enough ,though.

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A/N

You're perfect , sweet , & Ily
Xoxo