metanoia (H.S)

T H R E E

Yeah, well, this mad world made me crazy

Might just turn around, do 180

I ain't politickin', 

I ain't kissin' no babies

The devil on my doorstep bein' so shady

Mmm, don't trip

We don't gotta let him in, don't trip

Yeah, yeah let it go, but I never go with it

Harry

Well, saying that I fucked up is an understatement, I've always taken my job fucking seriously, cause I've lived for 23 years on this planet and it's the only thing that I'm great at, no matter what my task might be, developing contracts, dealing with the legal aspect of my business,  getting multi billionaire business deals, administrate the money flow and organize my people, that's it. I don't like dealing with other people and their feelings even less, so, when I had to face Alana once again I knew I had to have a prior preparation, I had to have some kind of plan in order to ensure that I wasn't going to fuck this up and compromise the mission, I just couldn't, so I did what I know best, I organized my people, set a bulletproof plan and got ready to follow the steps I so thoughtfully organized. 

I'm an extremely thorough person, I think things through to the very last detail, I don't like when things change, I don't like not knowing what to expect, feelings and other people are impossible to control or foresee, so for the past month, I haven't been able to sleep thinking about every last possible outcome. 

Lea has been helping me though, not only helping my mind drift away for some fun hours, but also reassuring me that I was going to do just fine, with her by my side I would be able to be more sensitive to Alana's feelings and find the most perfect way to persuade her and get her on the next plane home and keeping up with the plan, but i'm a fucking idiot and so are my "most trusted men". My plan was shit since the beginning and I didn't even know because my tiny ass brain didn't bother molding the plan to the girls personality but with what I feel most comfortable doing, and from that, things went downhill, to say the least. 

My plan was getting her attention with all the guards, it's not something I added, I really have to travel with at least eight men, but I used that to my benefit to amaze her and let her come to me, or at least intimidate her enough for me to be able to approach her and getting what I needed to get done, I would chat with her for a while (of course with a script Lea wrote for me that I took all month to learn, but I guess that had gone to shit too) and I'd tell her what I needed from her and that'll be that, I'd go home with her and made another plan for the next steps, but fuck no, everything went the opposite way, she felt that I was picking on her because of her background, and just like that I was the fucking jerk with money to her eyes, so convincing her to do things my way would be way harder now, so I did what I know best, I used sex. 

I mean, it worked out pretty well, she and Lea seemed pleased, but, as I'm looking at the window, waiting for the moment the pilot announces our landing and Lea sleeping on my arm I don't know how to face her anymore, I'm the dude that "picked her out on an airport for her backgrounds" but I am also the guy that ate a girl out looking at her, so I think it was alright to say that I pretty much fucked up. 

My anxiety is now killing me, I can't come home empty handed, I need to get Alana to come home with me, sooner rather than later and I don't have margins for mistakes, so I'm pretty much fucked, everyone involved in this situation is done and all because of me.