Avaricious; [D.M]

𝐨𝐧𝐞.

-

Jax, Estelle, Alexander and I attended this so called party in the muggle world.

To be honest I quite enjoy being around here.
No one knows who you are, your name, social status, past events.
For goodness sake you could even be on drugs and no one would give a fuck too.

I guess it wasn't like that after all.
Everywhere and everything is so toxic.
God, it's so exhausting experiencing that everyday.

Jax, Estelle and Alexander aren't exactly my friends.

I don't have any, really.

They're just fellow acquaintances that I don't know nothing but age, names, appearance and blood status.

We barely even speak on the closed indoors of  llvermorny.

I hate that school. So fucking much.
They say Hogwarts it's better though,
I really don't expect much of a difference.

4 houses.
The "evil house".
The "Bad boy".
Hyped professor.
Most hated professor.
Most bright student of their year.
Favoritism over a particular student.
The student everybody well knows of as a "legend"

See? It's always the same shit.

Some people should be worried of me for having such little interaction between people but I honestly couldn't give two fucks about that.

No one cares. No one cares about me.
Not even my parents that left when I was about a month old.

I am a mistake.
I wasn't meant to be brought into this world.
I wasn't meant to see the light.
I wasn't meant to breath.
I wasn't meant to exist, even.

What does it mean to feel loved, then?

What does it feel to go home in the holidays and finding your parents with wide open arms ready to give you a big hug?

Will I ever experience any kind of affection?

Do I deserve it?

Of course, I don't show my emotions. They aren't valid for anyone. Not that they care, anyway.

What I'm grateful of is that at least my parents left me well loaded after they died.
Well,
I think they either committed suicide or got killed.

I just know I'll never be able to meet them.
They are no longer in this world.

They died not too long after I was born.

I was the cause of their death.

Me? Adeline Adair? No, I could never.

I remind myself that every single day.

I remind myself how I am the cause of someone's suffering & hurt.

Other relatives?

They either don't give a fuck, died, have no clue of who I am or think that I am a mistake and that I do not deserve to be here.