One-Shots of Shit I Like

𝙽𝚎𝚠𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚜- 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍'𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛

(Thomas's POV)

I could've run a bit faster, I could've tried a lot harder- I could've done a lot of things and he'd be with me right now, in the haven, safe and with me and all of us. So, of course, I fucking blame myself for it, if I hadn't fucking said yes to bring Newt along with me- I wouldn't be in this shit-eating mental state and Newt wouldn't have been... U-Uh... Dead. 

If only I had tried a bit harder, fought a bit harder, yelled a bit louder... All of this shit wouldn't have been happening- Of course it's all my fault, they don't think I can't hear what they say behind my back...

Gally says to not dwell on shit- But I know that's a load of bullshit. He dwells on shit all the fucking time, I know he's just trying to be all-wise... It doesn't help. Do you know what would help? Me being up in wherever Newt is, I'd help everyone and myself. 

Just me being dead in general would help everyone out. I'd actually be fucking happy with Newt, less effort for the cooks, no one would have to put up with my shit self, It'd help everyone out so much... I took advantage of how much of a full person Newt made me feel, now it's just you know where your missing piece is but you can't seem to get it. Except, I know how to get it and that way to get it would help everyone but I can't bring myself to pull the trigger to make everything stop. 

Everything I own is tear-drenched- I'm surprised people haven't told me to shut up or invest in some noise-cancelling headphones. One can only cry/scream so much until your voice is rough and there are bags under your eyes. One can only spend so many nights restless twisting and turning in their bed while you're left alone with your thoughts until you become brave and actually pull the fucking trigger-

"Thomas?" the door creaks open, I don't even bother to get up for my bed or perks my head up to look at them- Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I tried to die once? It didn't work, hence why I'm hooked up to a few IVs and a thing to make me breathe. I turn my head to look at Minho who just came through the door, he had a bottle filled with what appeared to be medicine in it. 

"still miss him, huh?" Minho asks, I look at him and nod... I refuse to speak unless necessary. 

"Yeah, me too- have you eaten or drank anything?" Minho asks again, I shake my head

"how long haven't you...?" I hold up a two signalling that I haven't eaten or drunk in two days... I can't get out of this bed due to all the cords and the lack of motivation to do anything since Newt left. It just feels like I'm not complete anymore, one piece of me that I need is missing... I swear sometimes I see Newt in the corner of my eye just admiring me or just doing random things while watching me but as soon as I blink, Newt's gone. My heart just feels complete when I see him, but it's like as soon as I blink it makes it feel worse. 

"drink this, Tommy" Minho instructs me, I look at the spoon he's holding and him- I take the spoon, careful not to spill anything and drink it, hoping somehow it'll make Newt come back and everything is okay... It never works, ever. 

"hey, look at me- You're gonna be okay, everyone misses you- Everyone misses the old you... And if N-Newt was still here, he wouldn't want you to kill yourself over him- I know damn well that he's watching over all us of us and begging whatever fucking godamn is up there to be able to come back, Tommy." Minho sighed, I sat up from the bed and sniffled-

"I-I just miss him so much, he can't b-be actually gone... He just can't be!" I sob into my hands, god- I'm such a broken mess without Newt... 

*Meanwhile with Newt*

Everything was white, it was like a palace on the clouds- I ran my fingers over the banister as I took the stairs before what looked like to be an angel stopping me...

"Hello, Newt" it greeted me, I tilted my head in confusion... I couldn't feel my body, I was relaxed but I knew some part of me was missing and all I could think about was one person... Where was Thomas...? Oh, right- I died. 

"Hey...?" I said, silently questioning if this is real or not

"Don't be frightened, I'm here to give you a choice- You'll like the choices, I've been watching you since you were young" Okay- That was a bit... Creepy... I looked up at the figure, it was floating with this mist of light around them. 

"What's the choices...?" I hesitantly ask, what if it was a bad choice...? No, this thing wouldn't do that to me... Would it? 

"Don't be afraid, Newt- The choices are good." The thing reassures me, I feel rage boil up in me- I want- No cross that, I need to know how Thomas is. 

"give me the fucking choices, godamnit!" I scream, the thing puts its hand on my shoulder immediately calming me down like Thomas used to do... 

"The choices are going back to earth and getting another chance at life, having to deal with how broken Thomas is... Or, accepting death and feeling at peace... It's your choice" the thing soothes me, I let myself think about it...

"With the living thing, am I back to normal or...?" I try to ask, the thing explains it to me just like I wanted it to explain, answering all questions with warnings- 

"can I live again, please?" full-on tears are streaming down my face now, the thing nods and suddenly all the feeling in my body is back and I could feel the blood pumping in my system- I had no idea where I was... I just needed to know where Thoms was. 

My arms pushed against the ground and hoisted myself up before putting them in my pockets, walking to where I thought the most populated area was- People looked up and gasped, 

"N-Newt?" Minho gasped as I turned around and smiling, I pull him into a hug before he can say anything. 

"T-Thomas watched you die, how are you alive?!" Minho asked slightly panicked, I sigh

"I'll explain later, right  now- Where is Tommy?" I ask him- A nervous look flashes on his face before a light frown settles on his face, Minho makes a follow-me motion and starts walking to what I assume is the hospital- Or at least somewhat of a hospital. 

The door to the place swings open and I see Thomas hooked up to a bunch of machines and cords, his face is sunken in and pale while his lips are chapped 

"w-what happened?" I ask, slightly stuttering- Did I do this to him? 

"When you... Died? He wanted to be with you so he took all of his pills at once and tried to off himself just to be with you..." Minho's voice dropped a bit, the sound of sheets ruffling filled both of our ears as we look at Tommy's face, 

"Minho, who the fuck is this?!" Tommy screamed you could hear his voice breaking-

"it's Newt" Minho says slowly

"No, that isn't Newt- Newt fucking died seven months ago!" he screamed, getting out the bed and pointing a finger at Minho's chest. Thomas turned to me, 

"speak, now," he demanded as you could see another batch of tears brewing up in his eyes

"T-Tommy, it's me" I stuttered. Thomas's face softened and pulled me into a tight hug, tears running down his cheeks. He stopped hugging me and held my shoulders (Minho is somehow gone) before pressing his lips to mine, kissing me 

"I missed you so much" he sighed and held my hand. . .