Let Life Surprise You ✔

25. Reticence

His lips are soft, warm, and inviting, making me wonder why I didn't do this sooner. I don't care if he freezes or kisses me back right now, but his soft groan when my tongue licks the seam of his lower lip confirms that he's enjoying it, too. The next thing I know, his hands sneak around my waist and pull me to him as he deepens our kiss. All the doubts, the questions, and the confusion that have been spinning in my head dissipate into thin air. All I know is our locked lips and our intertwined tongues while our bodies are pressed together.

We break off from the kiss to catch our breath, but his lips keep hovering over mine. I keep my eyes shut as our foreheads lean against each other, feeling his warm breath on my face. As much as I want to see his handsome face right now, I don't dare to open my eyes because I'm afraid that this isn't real; that my intoxicated mind is just imagining this. And then I feel him smiling against my lips before he closes the gap between us. As our lips move in sync, he cups my face with his hands, holding me in place when he slips his tongue between my lips. And once again, I'm melting in his arms.

The doorbell rings from the hallway, prompting us to pull away, and I whimper inwardly from the absence of his warmth.

"Are you expecting someone?" Ashton asks, half grunting.

"Uh, no, I'm not. Wait, the pizza!" I stand abruptly, but my legs still wobble because of the make-out. I'd topple over if Ashton didn't catch me in time. "I need to find my wallet."

"Just sit. I'll take care of it." Gently, he pushes me back to the couch before getting up and walking to the front door.

My heart is still thumping against my chest, my lips are tingling, and my mind is clouded by the intensity of the kiss we just shared. I slump back to the sofa and close my eyes, listening to him talking to the pizza guy, but I can't make out any word from where I sit now. Then the door is closed, followed by the sound of Ashton's footsteps echoing from the hallway.

It's when the realization comes down on me like a bucket of cold water.

What did I do? Did I just kiss him when I knew he had a girlfriend? I cover my face with my hands and groan. What was I thinking? The fact that his girlfriend talked to me less than three hours ago, begging me to help her with her relationship problem, makes me feel like I'm the worst human ever. Plus, Ashton is the father of my child; someone I shouldn't mess around with.

"Are you planning to eat all of this by yourself?" He walks to the living room with two extra large pizza boxes in hand. Did I order that?

"Uh, I guess," I reply, my eyes following the boxes as he puts them on the coffee table. In truth, I don't dare to look him in the eye. The guilt of kissing him is hanging heavily on my heart. "Shouldn't you go back to the gala dinner?"

"I know, but I want to make sure you're fine. And," he says, plopping down on the couch at a respectable distance, "we should talk about what just happened."

"I don't know what I was thinking," I say, putting both my hands over my face. "Hell, I don't know what I'm thinking right now. Fuck. I'm too buzzed. I always do stupid things when I'm drunk." I chuckle awkwardly. "Like the old times. But I promise you, it didn't mean anything. I'm sorry I kissed you."

Ashton leans forward with his elbows pressing on his knees, his eyes on the TV screen. "Okay."

I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them before burying my face in my knees. "You see, I always screw up. I don't think before I act and then get myself into trouble."

"I kissed you too," Ashton replies, but I can tell his mind is elsewhere right now.

"Ashton," I look up and find his eyes are already on mine. "I swear, the last thing I want to do is to stand between you and Diandra. It's hard enough for you two to make room for Chloe, and I don't want to make things more complicated than it already is."