Faded (Luke Hemmings)

Faded

"insperation, insperation, inspeartion"

That is clearly what you need to be able to get on with your life. But if you can't find that insperation what do you do?

I was thinking about all the things i could have done if we didn't move away from the only thing that made me feel save in life. My home where i have lived my whole life, my friends and of course my family. Now, it was only me and my mom left on our own, while the rest stayed behind.

I was so sick of it, I was so sick of it all. I hated myself, but most importently I hated my stupid disease. Why couldn't I just be normal like everybody else? I was forced from one hospital to another all the time, all I ever wanted in life was some silence, some peace.

But that was not going to be the case, I was sick. Deadly sick. I was diagnosed with Lymphoma when I was 13 and since then my life have never been the same. We have tried everything that we possible could, but nothing. Nothing was working on me, my body just continued to rejecting it and in the end there was nothing we could do.

We moved to Austrailia one month ago near a hospital that is now going to be be my always hospital, finally. Even though it made me feel a little better i was still frightened. Not beacuse I was going to die, because I am. They said I will know when the time comes, I will be able too feel how I slowly will fade away, it will be like a process. But as lucky as I am, it won't hurt.

Starting in a new school howsoever, scares the crap out of me. I know I been trough a lot, but at that time I was with people I love. This time, I was on my own.

I am going to have to go trough the corridor with all eyes on me, and not in the good way. Being on your own is a empty feeling, like something is missing. And if there is one thing that's scares me most in this world, it's being alone. And being alone, is someting I never want to be.